Are you going to become (boy)friends with me or not?
by sudowoodo
Summary: Basically, eet was always inevitable dat Beka and I get together. It was SO obvious, men. Dat whole friends first bullcrep, dat iz just mechanism for building tension, you see. It was about time I get a stoopid luff interest now dat ... Well. Da. At least, dat iz what I thought.
1. Chapter 1

**_SO I was like, let's try write with an accent! I am sick at home and bored and still fangirling like crazy over Yurio and Otabek. This is dumb, and gay, so be warned. Also I wrote this this afternoon after staying awake 'til five last night monologuing my way through this and the following chapters. (Should be 3-4, at most. But, then, I always say that.)_**

 ** _I copied Yurio's accent from his voice actor in the dub. It's so bad, OK? I realise I should probably never do this again unless it's a parody. It's basically a parody lol. Let me know if it is totally unreadable. I am happy with this as an experiment but would also like it to be enjoyed_** :)

 ** _Please review and let me know what you think!_**

* * *

(=・ω・=)

My name iz Yuri Plisetsky. My goal iz to be named de top skater in de world in my first senior season. I'm de unbeatable Ice Tiger of Russia!

Or, I should say: dat WAS my goal. However, I haff already achieved it and dat iz old news already. Where haff you been, baka? Anyway, dis story iz not even related to dat. I was seemply introducing myself, you see? Fuck dis, anyway. Introduction OVER.

Here I em, beck at de Grand Prix Final a whole year efter you haff seen me last. I em here to reclaim my title and shove it in a certain heppy couple's face, heh heh. Agh, but unfortunately for me dat same stoopid couple haff been with me every step of de way, and belief me dey haff not SHADDAP de whole ride here. "Yurio~ Are you excited to see Otabek, da?" "How will you greet Otabek, Yurio~?" "Will you geev him kees for me, Yuri—?" NO, Viktor, I will not geev him kees for YOU, I will gve him kees for ME, IDIOT. No — WAIT — I won't kees him at all! Dat iz GROSS!

"Oh, have you kept up with Otabek, Yurio?" Dat was Katsudon, playing de leetle innocent bastard card as always. Dey both know veery well I haff kept in contect with Beka. I text heem every single day, don't I? And I always send heem pics of cool things I buy. Sometimes, I buy heem cool things, too. Sometimes I just think of heem, you know? Dat iz totally normal, since we are best friends in whole vide vorld.

(Sheet, my English sleeped there a second … WIDE WORLD. Right? Fuck dat double yew. I hate dat crep.)

Dem faggots do not understand. Ah … When I say faggot I do not mean it bedly, you know? I em also one, I theenk. Most likely I em. But some of dem theenk everything must be rainbows and cuddles and combing each other's stoopid hair and wearing matching fucking rings and God I theenk I'm gonna PUKE just theenking about it. Some straight chicks on de internet also theenk dis.

Btw I haff not put much thought into eet, but I em probably a bisexual genderfluid demiromantic, but — da — I do not like to label these things. Anyway, Otakek iz just my friend. However, I do mees him from time to time. Not in a gay way, as I haff explained.

We were heading out to dinner when I spotted heem. He was getting out of car with luggage and things, and dis iz very embarrassing but my own legs almost bolted towards heem to geev him beeeeeg koala hug, like with Grendpa. Sheet, dat iz so embarrassing! So stoopid, ha! Otabek iz nothink like Grendpa. For one thing, he iz veery youthful and hendsome. Yes, and veery beautiful skater. Veery fashionable too, with dat undercut — and cool, with dat fucking motorbike! Wow. He iz just great. Dat is my best friend, you know. Not so good at online messaging; dat iz like Grendpa, I will admit. I em always the one texting heem first. Ah, but I do not mind dis really. One time, he fell asleep while texting me, da. I was so peesed off. But, next morning, he responds perfectly and feels bed about falling asleep. Lol. He really iz perfect friend, Otabek. I em always asking heem to send pics because he iz soo cool and hendsome looking all de time and he should really build hees social media platform a leetle, but he never does, dat bastard.

"B-beka—" I started anyway, raising my arm to wave. I did not realise, but I was so excited dat I only said it under my own breath. Veery quiet, like. "Beka!" I called louder dis time, ignoring de sniggering Katsudon and squealing Viktor who was just asking to be punched in hees stoopid heart-shaped mouth right now. Tsk. Essholes. Beka now heard me, hees head turned and he paused as I waved violently with both of de arms. He pressed hees lips together in what I hev discovered is de classic "Otabek in public" smile. Dis is not really a smile at all, you see, but for Otabek … da. He waved.

Teehee. Dat iz my best friend.

I noticed he was with hees coach and everyone so I did not look for further attention. I em not like dat, like stoopid disgusting Viktor and Katsudon. I will just take selfie with him later in private and share with whole wide world.

I do not know yet if I will hug heem. I haff not decided. I did not hug heem when we said goodbye in Barcelona, see. I sort of wanted to hug Beka but it seems sort of lame so I probably won't do eet. I em not a lame-ess — like stoopid Katsudon or somethink. No fucking way.

"Let's go!" I announced, and my parents — by dat I mean Viktor and Katsudon — followed me. Dis is an inside joke we have. Dey were wearing stoopid grins but I ignored dem. I had enuff of dis shit from Mila, I do not need more Otayuri shippers right now. Yeah, dat iz what dey are calling us. So stoopid. So disgusting. Obviously we are just best friends forever. Dat iz so fucking obvious.

Peesed off at de world, I looked down at my phone. There were messages from Beka. I smiled a leetle.

"Let's meet later," he said! HA! Look at dat apostrophe! He iz always typing correctly, dat dork! Ahahaha! Sheet, he iz so demn cute. I began replying when the leetle dot dot dot showed up to show he was typing. Dot dot dot ... Dot? Eet just kept going. I stopped typing, but den de dots disappeared. But no message. What de heck? I erased my message and he started writing again. Dis boy takes for-fucking-ever to type, I em serious. I almost walk into lamppost many times because of heem. Dat dot dot dot disappeared again, but at same time hees message showed up. Thank God, dis was killing me.

"Good to see you."

*Chortle*

(Dat was me leffing. Dat Beka always makes me leff. He iz just so bed at messaging.)

Den he sent an emoji, you know de one with de smile? De pure smile? Like, he's just normal smiley guy — so heppy — you know dat one? Dat iz classic Beka. Like, get a new smiley, Beka! Use sunglasses guy or somethink! Use … well, at least eet's not dat demn thumbs up. HAHAHAHA. Beka! Too funny! So funny I will cry. I brought my phone to my face, smiling, not really theenking.

"Eh, Yurio, did you just kiss your phone?"

"~Oooh, iz dat Otabek you're texting, Yurio?"

"OH MY GOD! SHADDAP!"

Truth iz, I em embarrassed to see Beka again. I em excited and nervous, like leetle girl. Eet iz disgusting, da, I will admit. De problem iz — ugh, time for flashbeck, I GUESS …

Basically, Grendpa found old video of dis time I went to Yakov's summer kemp and basically showed eet to everybody (ffs ikr) and OF COURSE ev-er-ybody just heppened to notice dis cute leetle Kazakhstani ruffian in de beckground all de fucking time. Well, I em de idiot to point heem out in first place, since I em only one who knows Beka was at dat kemp. (He told me dis heemself, remember?) But anyway, Beka iz there, no beeg deal, right? Fucking wrong! SUDDENLY dey are all CONVINCED he iz staring at me! In every. Sinkle. Shot! Eet iz so embarrassing I could haff died right there on de floor. They put dat video on every sinkle time and point at Beka de entire time. "Look, look~ Here he iz glaring at you!" "Oooh, hees eyes are scary in dis one!~" Like, WHAT DE FUCK IZ DIS? No one will even appreciate my pre-adolescent ballet which I haff to say iz preety exceptional?! Dey are all just, Otabek dis, Otabek dat. Otabek luffs you. Otabek vants you. Bullcrep! It eez so demn infuriating. Even Grendpa! Even Grendpa does not defend his own grendson! He just sits there looking uncomfortable but also smiling as if — "Eet iz OK, Yurachka, Grendpa does not mind eef you are faggot. Dis iz no surprise to Grendpa." I haff never said fuck you, Grendpa. But — fuck you, Grendpa. I may be faggot but dis iz not de time for dat.

When everybody was gone I haff looked at dat video. Ha ha, Beka sure was adorable den! ~ I sent heem leetle snap of it. Actually, I do not think he responded to dat one. Dat bastard.

"~Ah, what was eet he said to you again?" asked Viktor presently, in dat stoopid sing-song voice.

I rolled my eyes. Dey do dis over and over, see. "Are you going to become friends with me or not." Eet iz my fault since I never should haff told dem about dis in de first place. But I was veery heppy to haff friend, OK, so shaddap about it already.

"Are you sure it wasn't, are you going to become boyfriends with me or not~?" sang Katsudon, clutching hees stoopid fiance's hands and staring at me with stoopid hearts for mouths. I HATE DEM. I DON'T EVEN KNOW HOW DEY DO DAT. I HATE DEM BOTH.

"NO! IT! VOSN'T!" I yelled, and beat dem both down. But I do dat every time and dey haff steell never learned. Dis has gotten so bed dat I don't even know what to do when I see Beka again. Dis iz so demn embarrassing. I will leeterally die.

So, dis iz why I em anxious like leetle girl. Because of stoopid Viktor and stoopid Katsudon who make me stoopidly doubt that Beka DEFINITELY just said FRIENDS.

AAARRGH!

I mean … he said friends, da? He has to haff.

I mean, well, de only reason I em uncertain iz because of dat stoopid wind dat was wipping my hair all around my face and I had a doki doki going on so I was kind of in another place right den! I em preety sure he said friends! I em, like, eighty-seex percent sure! Or, OK, seventy-seex. Maybe more like seexty-five percent sure! But no lower dan dat!

However … eef my calculation iz correct, dat's like … ugh … forty-five percent chance we are leeterally boyfriends right now. Since we shook on it, da.

Wait, iz dat right?! Dat's stoopidly fucking high! Dis iz very vorrying! (Or is it wery worrying? WAT?)

FUCK!

Well, crep … I mean … what eef we really haff been boyfriends dis whole time? Dat's not possible, iz it? Am I seriosuly de stoopid one all along?!

And ... do not get me wrong … heh heh. I mean, I haff no problem being boyfriends with Beka. Beka iz perfect men, after all. And anyway, dis was plan all along. He iz my best friend, you see? We are just friends but I … well, he is perfect men, like I say. I am not saying dat I luff him, because I em not homo in the same stoopid romantical way dat Viktor is with a bowl of pork and rice and scrambled fucking eggs. However, I am still gay men, and Beka is still … veery attractive and veery talented and veeeery sexy men, and … uh, how do I say it? Dat is men I would climb like ledder.

Is dat de right expression? Climb like ledder?

And eef you do not belief me, please remember dat Grendpa has tapes of every event I haff ever skated in and — da! — I found Beka there too! I never noticed, but he was behind me dat whole time! I don't check to see eef he stares at me, because I em not gay like dat, so I just look at heem instead. Long story short, I haff seen dis men in velour, chiffon, lace and spandex so, DA! I FUCKING KNOW. Dat's enough men for me. Too much, perhaps, but we can figure dat out later.

Basically, eet was always inevitable dat Beka and I get together. It was SO obvious, men. Dat whole friends first bullcrep, dat is just mechanism for building tension, you see. It was about time I got a stoopid luff interest now that... Well. Da. At least, dat is what I thought. But if he said boyfriends dat time ... I guess we are moving faster den I expected.

Heh, which iz also totally fine! Really, I want to climb ledder already. Da. Da... I do not need to hug or exchange vows or nothing ... I em not gay like dat. I am ready for ledder. I am de Ice Tiger of Russia!

Dat aside, I do not want to prove those stoopid heads right either. So de only way to fix dis iz … for me, Yurio Plisetsky, to make de first move! FIRST, we haff to pretend dat de whole "Are you going to become boyfriends with me or not?" thing never heppened. DEN, I make first move on Beka, and nobody can say dat he luffed me when I was a child like creepy ten year old pedophile anymore! Because I haff seduced heem first!

Da, da, dis plan is GENIUS! I need to tell Beka —

"What are you grinning at, Yurio?"

I looked up to see my stoopid megane-kun, holding hands with a stoopid, failed, greying skater, and slid my phone beck into my pocket. "Nothink, leetle piggy," I said, pushing him aside as I walked past.

You see? Dis is de crep I haff been putting up with for like a year already. But I refuse to remain de third wheel any longer.

I start to realise dat I cannot tell Beka, because Beka iz part of de plan. Demn. But I mees heem already. I take out my phone again and stare at Beka's messages for some second or two. Den I write,

"Da

(=・ω・=)

Laters x"

I overthink de kees at de end a bit, but after all he iz feefty-five percent my boyfriend already, so I leave it in. Da, da, that will haff him begging at my feet before long! I start to laff maniacally.

"~Ehh, are you suuure you're OK, Yurio?"

I start to laff louder. I will show dem! I will win gold medal in de hot boyfriend final! Just you watch me, you stoopid essholes!


	2. Chapter 2

(=・ω・=)

"Oi, Otabek … uh, you notice anything deefferent?"

Beka narrowed hees eyes. Dis men has beautiful eyes, eyes like sexy tsundere tiger. Hee hee. I luff tigers so much.

"Nn. Your hair ees longer," he said.

"NO," I said. "I mean, yeah, but what else?"

He looked me over for a second. "Wot?"

I kicked heem in de shin. "I haff grown five centimetres, men!"

"You heve?" he asked. I do not know why he doubt me so.

"Da!"

Beka had just come to pick me up to go heng out, so we were at de door of my hotel room. I dregged heem inside. "Look, I show you!" I looked around and found a leetle pencil on de table, den shoved heem roughly against de door. Beka iz not tall men. I know dis. I thought five centimetres would haff been enough to get on level with heem already. But as I pressed heem against de door with my body and use de pencil to mark hees height on de door, I realised dat I still needed tippy-toes to be even close to same height as heem. And dat iz my demn primaballerina tippy-toes, men! Crep.

And, btw, what beeg hunk of men he iz! I mean. Seriously. I admit I was extremely aroused already and de bed was, like, RIGHT THERE. I made de mark quickly and shoved de pencil in his hand. "Do me now."

Ah, de classic double meaning. Wait — did dat sound like I wanted to be done by heem with pencil? Because dat iz not what I meant! I — Oh, well, I was saved from de embarrassment because he didn't even get it in de first place. So we just changed places, and he put hees other hand on de door beside my head as he leaned over me. I was panting a leetle, de teengles creeping up my neck. And my crotch, da. When I looked forward I was looking at hees lips. I mean, it's a very nice lips … but why em I still so short? I SWEAR I haff become men in de last year. I HAFF!

I glanced up, but he was concentrating. Then he becked away and I turned to look at de door.

"What de—?" I gasped.

"Wot ees point in this again, Yuri?"

"To show you I haff grown, idiot. But you must haff cheated, and grown as well."

"I do not think I heve grown, Yuri."

"Shad—" I started, but I do not like to tell Beka to shaddap. Beka did not grow on purpose, I know dis. Beka would not do such thing to me. I sighed instead. "I em seexteen now, you know." I sound like total brat but I said eet anyway.

Beka looked at me, blenkly. Beka always looks blenk. Every look he has iz blenk. Except hees smiles. Dey are beautiful smiles, never blenk. "Congratulations," he said.

I huffed. "Da. Thenks." I looked at heem a leetle longer and he stared back. Now I em wondering — does he know dat seexteen iz de age of consent in Russia? Does he get eet? I looked pointedly at de bed and den at heem, raising my eyebrows.

"Wot?" he asked. "Wot is that expression?"

I was fuming already. "Forget it! Let's just go already!"

Beka closed door behind me, like gentlemen, and I stormed to de lift. We got in.

Oh my God, lifts are so awkward. I glanced around, but he was blenkly staring at de wall.

I scrambled about for something to say. "Oi, Otabek … do you say lift or elevator in Kazakhstan?"

"Neither. We heve own word in Kazakh."

"Oh, right."

"Wot about een Russia?"

"We also haff own word."

I listened to de thrum of de metal cage as it descended through de hotel. "You speak Russian too, da?"

"Da."

I paused. "Why de fuck are we speaking Eenglish, den?"

Beka looked at me, shocked. "I thought we were speaking Jepenese."

"WAT—" I began, but den de lift stopped and opened and —

"Yoohoo~ Yuri anz Otabek!"

Who else but Chris (I hate dis guy) jumped eenside and embraced us both, keesing our cheeks and bumping his hips against us. "Hi, hi, hi!"

"Don't touch me!" I spat, shoving heem off and shreenking into de corner.

"Ow-ah, zee kitty-cat haz teeth," leffed some other dude who walked in with heem.

"He eez so mean, right, Schnucki?" said Chris, pouting and fluttering hees disgusting eyeleshes. Don't ask me what de heck a Schnucki ees. Sounds like STD to me. But den, he leaned past Otabek to press one of de floor buttons. By de way, these faggots were both wearing bathrobes. And Chris definitely grinded Beka with hees ess as he leaned, I em not joking.

Dat beetch better stay away from my men, I am serious.

Chris started giggling. "Oooh, so many fine men in zee leeft with me," he gasped, looking cheekily around from Beka to de dude with de stoopid hair. Da, dat's right, he completely ignored my existence alright. I was ready to punch hees ugly face in. "Vee are heading to zee sauna, ja, von't you boys join us?"

"We haff plans, THENKS," I grumbled.

"Owww, but _Otabek_ vants to come~ Don't you, Otabek?" whinged Chris, clinging to Beka's arm. You know I was trying not to lose my sheet in front of Beka but dat was de last straw! I was reaching my fist over my head to pound heem eento de floor, when Beka said seemply, "We heve plens."

OMG. Team Beka (⌒▽⌒)

Chris pursed hees lips like ugly slut. "Oooh, date, eez it? Vant to double? Vee can go change, ja, it vill only take a minute." He giggled. "Or maybe you prefer vee stay like zis~" He suddenly threw open hees robe, and me and de ugly waste of space started screaming.

Chris was leffing hees head off as he got dregged half-naked out of de elevator on de sauna floor. Beka and I, traumatised young innocents dat we were, stood frozen een silence. Efter a second, Beka pushed de button for de basement. I wanted to say something like, lol what a fucking slut or something to break de ice at least, but … I don't know. Dis was just awkward now.

"Wot a slut," said Beka. I grinned. We both started sniggering a leetle.

"So slutty!" I leffed. "And — and what about hees tiny cock? DAT guy! I can't BELIEVE eet was so small!"

"I deedn't look at hees cock," said Beka, throwing me a look. De smile was wiped right off my face, but den he leffed and elbowed me, and I started leffing again. Hees smile was so wide, hees eyes all asparkle. "How smoll was eet, Yuri?"

"Well," I said, "You know Bambushka doll? Like, de baby Bambushka." He clutched hees tummy leffing. I grinned, feeling horny with all dis talk of dick. "Hees boyfriend can't even feel eet," I continued excitedly. "No wonder dey try pick up studs in elevator! What do dey theenk dis ees, bad porno?"

Beka snorted, and covered hees mouth. I watched eagerly to see hees reaction to me calling heem stud, but he did not seem to notice dat. He stopped leffing, and exhaled a leetle. "Eez eet just me or are we een elevator forever?" he asked.

At dat exact moment de lift stopped, and we got out. Demn, he changed de subject. I wanted Beka to admit he was hung like stallion!

"Uh, so, where are we going?" I asked quickly, embarrassed at my failed come on, as he led me to hees bike in de hotel car park.

"Just outside of town," he said. "You like parks?"

"Of course I like parks, everyone likes parks," I said. Park date? Dat sounds adorable, Beka. Why you so good at planning dates, Beka? Jeez, you are sweeping me off my feet here, Beka.

Yet, tragically, I did not know. I was naive back den. Dis park he bought me to iz more like hill. Beeg hill, with cliffs and beaches. I was already disappointed dat de motorbike vibrated my ess so much I could not even enjoy de pressing of my crotch into hees ess on de ride there. Also, hees leather jacket and hoody combo iz too thick for me to get any purchase on hees super yoked abs. AAARGGH! I just wanna touch dem already! I consider just grabbing hees crotch right there and then, but I remind myself dat I can't go near dat cock until after de final, for fear of injuring myself or becoming distrected. Fuck, I em already preety distrected. Why de fuck did I wear jeggings today when I knew I'd be constently popping boners? I em pure IDIOT sometimes.

We stopped in a car park, and there was a beeg map showing all de trails, hiking trails, because really eet's almost more like mountain den hill. So we started off on one, OK, an EASY ONE at dat, and everything was going fine but after like helf an hour I was already sweaty and breathless and we were just climbing climbing climbing and, you know, my body was built for specific sport and mountain climbing was not eet!

Eventually we came to a grassy cliff dat sloped down into a bay, and de beach was totally empty, because it was winter, I guess. Den Beka turned to me, smiling a radiant and glowing and fresh-faced smile and said, "Wont to swim?"

I gaped at heem. Like, doki doki … but also … no fucking way in heck! "Are you keeding me? It's fucking winter out — what eef I get sick?"

"Oh, right," he said, blushing a leetle. De smile was lost. I cursed myself. We needed to take selfie at some point, and dat was like de most PERFECT moment ever. But I ruined it, me and my stoopid mouth. "Do you wont to take break, seet on beach?" he asked.

I grimaced. "Hell no. I hate de sand."

Beka scratched hees head, looking around for a leetle moment. He looked out at de water, which was pretty, I guess. He exhaled, and looked back at me. "Wont to seet here and heve bite to eat, then?"

"You haff food?" I asked, my eenterest piqued. I hadn't noticed with my bleeding feet, but my tummy was making awful rumblies.

He shrugged his bag off hees shoulders, and produced a baguette and some blocks of cheese. Den, a bottle of wine.

"When een France," he said, smiling sheepishly.

I don't know what de heck iz wrong with me. "Carbs and fat?" I said. "I can't eat dis. I em at crucial point in my growth spurt. And, wine? Seriously? I'm not dreenking de day before a beeg competition!" I looked around. "Sweeming, too? Are you _purposely_ trying to sabotage me?"

Beka bleenked at me for a second, den shoved de food beck een his bag. "How woz I to know about this diet? And … and I thought one drink wouldn't hurt, that's all. Look, eet has a screw cap and everything."

"French wine with screw cap? Pff. Must be veery high quality, dat."

Hees eyes stared at me intensely for a moment, hees brow like hard line. Den dey looked somewhere else. "Forget eet, then. We will just keep going."

"Da," I said, shrugging. I stepped from foot to foot to ease de pain. "Uh, how much further iz it anyway?"

He looked at his watch. "Two hours?"

My jaw dropped. Or, eet would haff, eef I had let eet. But I had to save face in front of Beka! He theenks I am bloody solider, men!

"That OK?" he asked. "We could just turn beck."

I waved my hand, jogging to get ahead of heem. "No way! Yuri Plisetsky never turns beck!"

Ten mintues later, Yuri Plitetsky went smeck. Smeck, face first, screaming, onto dirt track.

"FUCK! MY ENKLE! BEKA, MY ENKLE." I rolled around in de dirt, clutching my foot. "AH, AH … ah?" I kicked shoe off and raised de foot above my head. "Oh, wait, eet's fine." From de ground I saw his legs beside me, and I kicked heem with my other foot. "De ground iz too uneven! What would haff heppened eef I twisted my enkle, you idiot?" I yelled. "Dis was de worst idea ever! I hate dis stoopid mountain!"

I looked up to see Beka, who knelt beside me. De blenk look on hees face iz one I will neever forget. He was holding my shoe, and looking preety deeply at it, den he just placed it beside me.

"I'm sorry," he said. He stood up.

"Well, uh … eet's fine, see?" I laughed, stretching my leg to show heem my foot. Perhaps I was also showing off my superb flexibility, but I won't go on about eet. "I thought it was worse, but—" I stopped talking when I saw de inside of my shoe, which was covered in blood in places. But dat was just from all de walking, no beeg deal. Beka had turned his back on me, looking at de scenery.

Hey, what de heck? I em still on de fucking ground here! I theenk … wait, haff I peesed heem off or something?

I put my shoe beck on and dusted myself down. "Uh, Otabek?"

"Nn?" he asked, turning around.

I stared at heem for a minute, den looked down at my feet. "Uh … let's rest here a minute, OK?" I saw heem shrug out of de corner of my eye. I sat down on a rock, and tried frantically to figure out what I had done wrong. Demn it! I was only behaving like normal self!

Efter a few minutes, he sat down nearby. But on a different rock.

"Dis place woz recommended on TripAdvisor," he said suddenly. "I deedn't know it would be so tough. Eet woz foolish of me." I looked over at Beka, who was looking at me with wrinkled brow. "Are your feet alright?"

"Da, da, eet's nothing," I said quickly, waving my hands and trying to leff. Jeez, I deedn't know he had gone all de way to TripAdvisor to plan dis date, you know? Dat was … like, really sweet or somethink.

"You heve sores, Yuri, they will rub in your skates …"

"I will bandage dem! Eet's fine!"

He pressed his lips together, and looked at hees hands. "Anyway … I em sorry anyway." He took a breath, and looked me in de eye again. "I woz just heppy to heve some time with you."

Oh. My. God. I theenk I might cry. "It's fine, Be— uh, Otabek," I said. My face felt like eet was glowing red. We sat in silence for a long time, and I took off my socks to air out de sores on my feet. "If we just had time to heng out, like, leeterally anytime other den de day before a final … it would all be fine, right?" I mused. "We could eat whatever we want and heff drinks and go winter swimming and who cares if we get sick, da?"

"I guezz," he said.

"Well … are there parks like dis in Kazakhstan?" I asked, totally one hundred percent casually. My leetle heart was all doki doki again.

He looked at me, his face suddenly bright. Still blenk, but bright. "There ees one in Almaty."

"Seriously?"

"Yeah," he said, sitting up a little. "Except … eet's alpine region, so different terrain. There are glaciers."

"What?!" I yelped, hopping to my feet. "Glaciers?! Dat's awesome!"

He smiled. Beka's smile … Ah, I luffed it. Dat was probably de widest I had seen it yet. I em so lucky, really. But, somehow, I did not feel like selfie right now. "Iz there a beach?"

"No," he said, "but there ees lake … beautiful lake, that changes colour in the seasons." I listened, entranced by his deep, menly voice. It was unusual for Beka to be chetty, but I was heppy dat he was. "Sometimes eet eez turquoise. Sometimes, a … a bright green." He met my eyes. "Eet's stunning."

"I'd like to see de glaciers," I said. "Glaciers are awesome." I swallowed nervously.

Look, I don't know eef you know dis … but my eyes are bright green. I'm not keeding here. I don't know eef Beka knows dis either. But dat's it. I was too embarrassed to mention it immediately. Eet iz quite possible he iz being super sappy romantic right now. Dat would be … kind of alright, I guess.

I took beeg deep breath. "Uh … maybe I will come visit. Outside of de skating season, you know." I leffed a leetle, turning redder. "You can show me de lake when eet's green, da?"

I leeterally could not look at heem, so I hid my face with my hair. But he was staring at me, I knew eet. And den I thought of de stoopid video where he stares at me all de time and I got emberrassed all over again.

"Da," he said, his voice veery gentle. Den he leffed a leetle. "Well, that lake ees a three hour hike from anything, soo—"

"Den I will get practice at hiking," I declared, slamming my fist onto de rock. "I will become prima-ballahiker! Or … or Gold Medal Hiker at de Grand Prix of Hiking! Two time gold medalist, perhaps!"

He was chortling like de cutie pie he was. I peeked up at heem, and he smiled at me. "Then … eef I visit you in Russia, you will heve to take me to your favourite vodka bar."

"Every bar in Russia iz vodka bar," I leffed. "But they will not serve me, so you will heff to buy eet in store and get drunk with me at my place."

"Sounds good to me," he said. "Oi, but Yuri! You will not be heppy with the one I buy, will you?"

"I will instruct you carefully," I said, grinning like medmen. Dis iz fun, I thought. Leffing and flirting with Beka. Like dream come true! I got up and went over beside heem, rummaging through hees beckpeck. "Let's eat dis fucking bread anyway, I em so starving."

We split de bread and took what we wanted of de cheese. To be perfectly honest, I was disappointed to not find packet of condoms een hees bag. At least I would heff known his intentions, da. But oh well. Dis was heppy time. Now dat we were sitting on de same rock, I could admire his hendsome menly face even more. We also took dat selfie. He put hees arm behind me and leaned on eet, so we were shoulder to shoulder. I gave heem kitty ears, and got to touch hees hair slightly without heem noticing. I got de teengles again.

When I offered heem first taste of de wine, he opened it and brought it to hees mouth, den stopped. "In Kazakhstan, you cannot buy or drink alcohol until age twenty-one."

"Wait, what de heck?" I excaimed. "Dat means you're underage?!"

"Not in France," he said, and winked at me as he took a sip.

And. I mean. WOW. My heart. My loins. I theenk I em pregnant. Not only dat, but I got to add cheeky smile to my list of favourite Beka smiles. Dis was truly de best date ever.

When he brought de bottle down from hees mouth, hees lips were shiny and red. He wiped dem on hees sleeve, and I pulled my hoody down over de rising bulge in my jeggings. Stoopid jeggings, what was I theenking? "Even _you_ are of dreenking age in France," he said pointedly, offering me de bottle.

I swallowed de speet in my mouth and took it. I took a large chug from it, wiped my mouth and handed it back to heem. "Pff! Everyone in Russia iz dreenking age since suckling at mama's tit."

Beka had begun another sip but spurted it out leffing, and suddenly de two of us were doubled over, clutching our tummies in hysterics.

"I heve learned much about Yuri Plisetsky today," he said, when we had finished leffing and gotten past another few minutes of de occasional giggle fit. He began counting on hees fingers. "One: he does not like sand. Not like kitty at all. Two: he ees fussy about his wines. Only de finest for Yuri Plisetsky. Three: glaciers. Glaciers are awesome."

I was so heppy, being teased by Beka. I did not even haff de heart to tease heem beck. "Dis place iz beautiful, Beka," I said instead. I took a leap and touched his arm. But I buckled under de pressure and turned it into a punch. "Eet was a good call."

He looked at me, raising one eyebrow. "… Beka?"

Oh. Crep.

"Oh my God," I said, covering my face with my hands.

"Oi, Yuri, are you blushing?" he said, tugging at my sleeve and leffing.

"Dat's — oh my God, dat's just a stoopid nickname. Forget I said eet."

"Wot, I know already. I thought the Yuri's Angels came up with that?"

"NO—" I said. "I mean, I DON'T KNOW. Dat's just what I ended up calling you in my head, OK? I don't remember where eet came from!"

He leaned over, trying to see my face. He pulled my hand away, and grinned at me stoopidly. "… You call me in your head?" he said.

My eyes widened, and I whipped my arm away. "Dat's not what I …! Just — shaddap, OK!" I ran back to my shoes and put dem on, making sure my entire tamato face was covered by my hair. Thank God it iz longer now, seriously.

He was leffing, dat bastard. "OK … You ready to go, then, Yura?"

My eyes flicked up and met with hees. I narrowed mine. "… Yura?"

"Yeah," he said, straightfaced. But there was something een hees eyes I could not comprehend. Dey were smiling a leetle, maybe. Den hees mouth smiled. "I like Yura."

I straightened up, not wincing as my sores rubbed in my shoes. My heart was beating too fast, but dis was in de good way. "Well, I like Beka," I said seemply. I met hees eyes for a moment. But den I blenched. "De nickname, I mean."

I felt my face turn red, but dis time I owned dat blush. Just den, for de first time all day, I remembered my plan! I mean, crep, I was too distrected having fun with heem to try and seduce heem! So with my heart in my throat, I stepped towards heem now.

Beka looked me up and down as I approached heem, inhaling a leetle. He just stood there, and when I was close enuff he held out his arms and grebbed my shoulders. He peered into my face, and — oh, holy sheet.

"Where are you going?" he asked me. Suddenly, he spun me around. Den he slapped me on de beck and headed off walking in de direction we had come from. I stared efter heem, spontaneously combusting on de spot. He turned hees head, stopping for a second. "Wot?" he asked, looking quizzical. "We're heading back, right?"

I grit my teeth. "Da," I grumbled, and followed heem.

Truth be told, I haff learned lots about Beka today as well. Most importantly: dis boy iz fucking dense.


	3. Chapter 3

**_Hello~ I hope you are enjoying the story so far, and thanks to everyone who has followed and reviewed already! You're de best! ;)_**

 ** _Btw I do not know Russian, this was all stolen from Reddit and a random blog I found through google search._**

* * *

(=・ω・=)

Dis much you should know about me already: I do not stress de small sheet. But right now there iz annoying voices in my head. _You got eet wrong!_ dey whisper. _Beka does not haff those sorts of feelings for you! You will only emberress yourself if you continue!_

 _He just said friends. He only meant friends. You got eet WRONG!_

I em worried, I haff strength enuff to admit dis. De last time I felt dis anxious, it was when de bastard Katsudon threatened to retire efter de GPF last year. Dat stoopid head. But I know my weaknesses better den anyone, and I know dat these disgusting feelings of helplessness and ineptitude will only fuel me to stand de fuck up and do something about eet already.

I well not bow down to de friendzone! Fuck! Dat! Sheet!

Do not mistake: it was MY performance dat convinced Katsudon to stay on another year. And it will be ME who convinces Beka, whether he knows it now or not. Even eef I was wrong. Even eef he does not luff me already. Even eef it iz just to prove a goddemn point! I will make him luff me! OK!?

Pff. He will luff me so much … more den teddy bears, leather jeckets, and frowning all at once! More den frowning teddy bear een leather jecket! Ha, ha, HA! YES! You will see!

OK … OK, I haff to calm down. As dey say in my country, eet will be easy peasy like lemon squeezy.

Beka was de one who suggested we heng out a bit longer in Marseille efter we rode beck into town. I mean … seriously, I do not know why I even vorry. He was smitten, dis doofus. How could he not be? All my troubles were left beck on dat stoopid mountain.

So I took Beka shopping, and surprised heem with geefts of luff. Efter some time I began to realise dat maybe Beka iz not so well off, because he has no idea how to react when I spoil heem. Dis cutie patootie can not reject my offers — he iz true gentlemen, Beka iz. But I see it makes heem uncomfortable.

Teehee. I em theenking maybe I like to make Beka uncomfortable. I mean dis in sexual way, eef dat wasn't clear enuff already.

All I em really buying heem iz clothes anyway. My men haff style, but you agree he iz missing a leetle bit of flair, da?

We were just sitting down to haff bite to eat when who de fuck walked een but de one person I HATED more den a Swiss slut, a balding Viktor or even a pork cutlet bowl.

" _Heeeey_ , _O_ tabek! _Yu_ ri!" cheered JJ from across de cafe. "Ma _booooys_!"

Leeterally, we haff never ONCE sat down een public without being immediately BARGED een on by de rudest of peoples and their stoopid luffers. Dis fucker was already BARGING hees way past all de tables to reach us.

"Fuuuuuccck," I said loudly, trying to hide behind de menu.

" _Whoa_ , hey now, no need to be like _that_!" said JJ, as he took hees arm off hees ugly-ess girlfriend to give Beka slap on de beck.

"Looks like Russia's fairy is pretty _rude_ , eh?" said hees whore of a fiancé, linking arms with heem again.

"WHAT DID YOU CALL ME, BEETCH?" I almost blew my top off, but dey just didn't shaddap.

"You two on a _date,_ huh?" sneered JJ, hees hand still clutching Beka's shoulder and shaking eet violently. Dis guy iz closet homo, I swear to God. More like GayGay, em I right? And eef he does not let go of my Beka soon I will flip de fuck out, men.

" _Yeah_ —" I said sarcastically, even though I was like seexty-seven percent sure dis was leeterally a date, but de demn idiot didn't even let me finish.

"Us, too, _man_ ," he said. "Ya know, we're from _Can_ ada, so we actually speak fluent _French_. This your first time in France, bro?"

"For competition," said Beka blenkly. I glenced at heem to see eef he noticed my sarcasm from before. I mean, dat iz awkward eef he theenks I em being sarcastic about our dates … I em not dating heem sarcastically, efter all. Nor em I NOT dating heem sincerely. I just hated dat JJ so much dat I couldn't help giving a leetle bit of ettitude. Eet's confusing, you see. I em complicated guy, dat iz just my personality. And Beka is known to be preety slow in de brains. But he will luff me despite dat, probably. I mean, fuck off, of course he will. Fuck you.

Anyway, I was worrying for nothink, because Beka was just looking directly at JJ with beeg scary dark shadow in de middle of hees face. Heh heh. I luffed dat look. Dat was exactly how I felt about JJ also. Now I was just worried about Beka's luffly face, which was far too hendsome to wreenkle like dat.

"How about we make it a _double_ , eh? Waddya say, guys? Ya need a _trans_ lator? _Moules-frites,_ ya get me?"

"Fuck no," I grunted, picking up de knife from de table and gripping it tightly in my fist.

Hees stoopid women started to leff. "Huh, the fairy has such a potty mouth!" she said, faking stoopid leetle gasp. "So uncute!"

I flew to my feet, de chair flying beckwards. With de knife in my hand, I raised it to de women and said, "Call me fairy one more time, beetch."

JJ spun towards me, shielding hees women dramatically behind hees back, and opened hees mouth veery wide. Pff — like I was actually going to steb her! But den somethink amazing heppened.

"Yura," said Beka. "Сядьте ( _Sit down_ )."

I bleenked at heem, but de look he gave me den made me pick up de chair and sit beck down on my ess like de obedient leetle kitty I was.

Beka was staring at me blenkly, but behind hees eyes there was a smile. He turned to JJ, and said, "Ведёшь себя́, как жо́пошник. Иди́ в жо́пу! ( _You're acting like an asshole. Fuck off!_ )"

I almost choked.

"Heeey, what didya say?" asked JJ. "What didee say, Yuri?"

De grin was so beeg on my face dat it hurt. De words could barely get out of my mouth. "Да, Иди́ отсюда́ на́ хуй, блядь! ( _Yeah, get out of here, bitch!_ )"

Beka looked at me and we both erupted into laughter. But Beka shook hees head a second and wiped hees face from de mirth. "Поцелу́й мою́ жо́пу ( _Kiss my ass_ )," he said conversationally.

I breathed a second, seeing what hees plen was, and calmed myself as well. "Соси́ мой хуй ( _Suck my dick_ )," I bounced beck.

"Hey, uh —" started JJ.

"Закро́й свой рот, су́ка! ( _Shut your mouth, bitch!_ )" Beka interrupted.

I sniggered a leetle, but maintained de facade with a shrug. "Како́го ху́я ты ещё тут стои́шь? ( _Why the fuck are you still standing here?_ )"

"JJ, let's _go_ ," urged hees stoopid-ess women.

"Да, Подви́нь жо́пу, ёбаная блядь! ( _Yeah, move your ass, you fucking whore!_ )"

JJ just didn't haff any clue what to do. In de end, hees women dregged heem away, and we waved heppily at dem as dey left. "Пошёл в жо́пу! ( _Fuck off!_ )" called Beka cheerfully. "У тебя́ о́чень ма́ленький хуй! ( _You have a small dick!_ )"

I burst out leffing, bent double and banging my fist on de table. Den I stood up, cupping my hand to my mouth. "Пидора́с! ( _Faggot!_ )" I shouted, just as dey were out de door.

Beka snorted, and covered hees face with hees hand.

Men oh men. De encounter with Chris earlier was just de first round, de qualifying championships eef you will. Dis was de long haul, de Grand Prix Series Opening Event against JJ's beetch. Maybe her boyfriend can speak French, but who de fuck cares when my men here has Russian? Demn right, her boyfriend was not helf as hot as mine! Aaaand so eet's a win for Russia!

"Oh my God, men," I said, rubbing my cheeks dat were sore from leffing. "Dat was de best." _You're de best_ , I wanted to say. But instead I said, "You're a genius!"

Beka shrugged a leetle, scratching hees head. "Dis beetch calls you fairy, I do not know wot else to do."

I leffed in a leetle burst, den immediately turned pink in de face. Tbh, eef dis men iz hero, I do not mind being fairy.

"Ees eet just me or are we waiting to order forever?" he asked suddenly, looking around as eef only just noticing our surroundings now. And at dat exact moment, de waiter arrived.

Flustered and emberressed, I just said, "Переда́й, ёб твою́ мать, во́дку! ( _Pass the motherfucking vodka!_ )"

From dat moment on I knew I could not go another day without telling heem my feelings. Ya know, my totally not lovey dovey, not cutesie wootsie, NOT GAY AT ALL feelings. I just wanted to make out with heem already, dat's all. I would tell heem dis by showing heem. By grebbing hees face and licking eet all over, like only non-gay men can do.

De sexual tension was just so obvious, de flirting so overt. To let it continue any longer was just emberressing.

I knew what to do. De perfect smooch to end de perfect date. De only hard part was picking de best moment, since whenever our eyes met I blushed like leetle maiden and got bed case of de doki doki. But I knew I could do dis. I was de Ice Tiger of Russia, efter all. Pff! It was hardly more deefficult den breaking two world records and winning gold, all in one's Senior Debut, now was eet? Since, dat it somethink I haff done already, you know. Did you know dat?

Da, I sure em impressive. Dis was nothink.

On de ride beck to de hotel, Beka felt so warm and comfy dat I leaned against hees beck and almost fell asleep. Like, I realise dat would have been bed since I would haff surely felled off da motorbike and died, so obviously I did not ACTUALLY fell asleep. But, almost.

De bike came to halt in de dimly lit car park, and I removed my hands from around hees waist veery deliberately. I got down from de bike first, my mind buzzing as de moment approached. I knew, because I felt it in de air. And in my pants. I stood behind heem, hiding my face with my hair, as he took de keys out and kicked de stand down. He had just swung hees leg over when I grebbed hees arm.

"Beka," I said breathlessly. I tugged hees arm, and scrunched my eyes shut as I grebbed hold of hees hoody and yanked hees face down to mine.

Our lips met roughly, not quite directly, but close enough to be sure eet was true. De kees only lasted a second, but hees breath was heavy and warm and I was flushed from de top of my head to my leetlest toes. Den I shoved heem away. Panting, I flipped my hair out of my face and smirked at heem as he stared beck at me, mouth agape.

Ah ha ha, get it? Agape!

"Thenks for de date," I said, throwing heem a wink. Den I turned and bolted for de exit as fast as I could while steell walking. When I made it as far as de door I started to run.

I heard a crash dat sounded like de bike falling over. "Yura!" I heard heem call.

I hurtled to de elevator, jamming de button. "Come on, come on, come on!" I muttered, my face a tamato. I could not let heem see me like dis.

De exit burst open, as I froze with my thumb on de button. My eyes were wide, my heart like white hot metal in erupting volcano in de centre of a fucking supernova or some sheet. I turned my head. Beka paused, standing there at de door for a second, den came sprinting down de hall and skidded to a halt in front of me.

He huffed and puffed for a moment, bending slightly and leaning on hees knees. Ya know, I theenk dat was just for dramatic effect because it was not a veery long run lol. I felt like leffing and crying at de same time. Men, I didn't know what de fuck was wrong with me. I was so fucking stoopid right den. He stared at me with wildness in de eyes, unable to speak. I stared beck, breathing just as heavy, unable to wipe de terrified expression off my face.

See, I wanted to make quick exit not just to build tension and keep heem guessing, but also because I knew I did not haff self-control enuff to stop myself mounting heem right there on de fucking bike. I was protecting my esshole before de competition, alright. But now dat he had chased me and was standing there panting with dat look in hees eyes, I knew I was fucked. But I also thought I was gonna get fucked, so I could not haff cared less, really.

"Yura," he choked. My mouth was half-open, wanting, my eyelids growing heavy with lust. Eef he was going to confess I did not want to hear it. I just wanted heem to show me already.

"Yura," he repeated, reaching out hees hand. He was too far away, I wanted heem to take me in hees arms already.

"Yura, I don't …" He shook hees head, eyes wide with panic. I bleenked. De tone was not what I expected. I wanted heem to speet it out already.

"I just wont to be friends!"

… OK. I take dat beck.

But. Da. I know. I did not see dat coming either.

Hees outstretched hand, which I had expected to reach my face, or my arm, or my waist, was ineffectively hanging in midair. I stared at eet, rather den heem. De expression on hees face was too deefficult to look at.

I breathed, many times, before I could even begin to speak. "Hah?" I asked eventually.

He began to stammer. "Er, I — how do I say eet? You heve misunderstood, Yura. I—"

"HAH?!" I repeating, shouting now. I slapped hees stoopid hand out of de air. "Are you fucking keeding me!?"

He paused for a second, den tried to take a step closer. "Yura, please—"

"No," I said, shaking my head wildly. "No _Yura_. No _Beka_. Yura and Beka are de SHIP, and eef dis isn't de ship …" I looked up, blinking, unable to believe eet. "What de fuck iz dis?"

"Yuri—"

"SHADDUP!" I cried, my hands flying to my face. I leffed, choking on de lump in my throat, as tears began filling my eyes. "You want to be _friends_?" I whispered. "But you … And I thought … _And_ _Katsudon_ _said_ …" I choked another leff, which quickly turned to sob. "You want to be FRIENDS!?"

I did not even know why I was crying. Dat iz how stoopid I was. Eet's not like I really even wanted to date heem, efter all. Eet's not like he was de ONLY hendsome, bike-riding, sunglass-wearing, undercut-sporting, rigid-ess figure skater I would ever meet. Eet's not like he was de ONLY super steamy sexy men I had ever wanted to haff monogamous sex with for de rest of my life. Eet's not like he was de ONLY best friend I had ever — or would ever — haff. Get it?! Eet's not like I was in luff with heem!

I em not … not like a Viktor … not like a pork cutlet …

De elevator arrived den, and I shot heem one last look of pure hatred as I rushed een. He half-essedly tried to force heemself een efter me, stammering apologetic nonsense.

"NO!" I said, pointing a menacing finger at heem. He becked away slowly, hands in de air. "Stay de fuck away from me, esshole. Dis friendship iz over." I jammed de button, looking up and tapping my foot impatiently, but even efter minute or two de lift did not close. "Aarrgh, FUCK!" I kicked de wall.

Beka stood there, awkward as heck, but lucky for me he seemed to haff given up trying to make hees excuses. I could not even look at heem anymore. I stormed passed heem beck out into de hall, found de stairs, and took dem two at a time.

"Don't follow me!" I yelled, but he was not following.

At de top of de first flight, however, I stopped. I had no self-control, efter all, so I glanced beck. He stood there dumbly, blenkly, staring at me like only a stoopid Beka can. Hees mouth was opening and closing like he wanted to speak, but he was saying nothink at all. Hees face was distraught, but I deedn't understand why. He was not de one who was humiliated here. He was not de one with de broken heart.

It was only den dat I wondered why my heart felt like eet was broken, eef I wasn't even in luff with heem in de first place.

Da, I was de stoopid one here. My lips were de ones smiling at hees texts. My brain was de one getting flustered when he defended my honour. And my heart was de one going doki doki every sinkle fucking time I saw heem smile.

I had fallen in luff with heem, right? It was soooo obvious, men, yet it took me three fucking chepters to realise it. I mean, ha, how emberressing is dat!

Beka did not call out to me. He did not follow me up de stairs. He did not even take out hees phone and fix everything with a cute text and a well placed emoji. By den, eet was preety clear. He did not luff me beck. So I turned and climbed de stairs by myself, and when I got beck to my room I deleted hees number from my phone and blocked heem on every social media platform I knew of.

And, just like dat, our friendship was ended. But, of course, de story does not end there — I mean, what kind of person do you theenk I em, leaving it on a note like dat!? What I mean iz, it was de end of our friendship … but, da … it was seemply de beeginnning of our ship (▰˘◡˘▰)


	4. Chapter 4

(●￣(ｴ)￣●)

Ah, _ahem_ , hello. My name ees Otabek Altin, and thees ees the part of the story where the POV ees sweetched for reasons I will explain you now. Eef you are fan of anime you will already know thees ees common plot device, yes. Usually eet ees used right at a heightened moment, where the tsundere or stoic or seemply stoopid secondary character gets to step een and explain heemself and why he has fucked everything up so badly that he made the first character cry so hard he could not even continue the narration.

So … uh, that ees why I em here now.

*cough*

I ask that you please treat my kindly for thees second half. Especially, er, not to immediately jump down my throat about my behaviour een the previous chepter … You may hate me already, so eet's a leetle awkward, yes? But I also hate myself right now, so at least we heve that een common.

I do not wont to geev spoiler, but I will say thees first: I deed not mean to break Yuri's heart. (… Fuck, eet ees harder to say hees name than I expected …) Eh, of course I deed not. I mean, eet breaks my heart to break hees heart, and I em not that masochistic to do such thing on purpose. I theenk anyway. In all honesty I em seemply too stoopid, stoic and tsundere to heve adequate understanding of my own feels. Thees ees just the plight of the strong silent character trope, you see. Life ees hard. OK?

I mean, eet woz not until he keesed me that I …

My apologies. Thees ees very hard memory for me. I will heve to skip for now.

Anyways … I know wot you probably are theenking. Bring Yuri beck already! Beka ees such boring and serious character, he cannot adequately entertain us to the level we are used to! Well, I agree. I em not funny men like Yuri. You will most definitely be disappointed by my crep communication skills and nonexistent narrative voice and lack of humour, too. Thees — thees does not come as naturally to me as eet does to heem, you see. But — I mean — shit! He got easy part of story! He got the part with all the funnies, and now I em stuck with all the feels!

*Sigh*

Believe me, I wish Yuri would come beck as much as you do. But that ees impossible now. You do not like eet. I do not like eet. But here I em. I guezz I should just get on with eet already.

Hmm … but I do not quite know where to be starting.

Let us return to that last moment, anyways, efter that k— k- _kees_ thing, whatever eet woz. Er … well, to be perfectly honest I totally bombed out of the GPF efter that. For second year een row, I deed not even place. Oh, well. I decided eet deed not matter anymore. My country would be heppy with their brief moment een the spotlight. My parents would be heppy for me to come home and get real job already. And heem … he would be heppy to never see my face again.

You must understand, I convinced myself thees woz best for everyone. So efter Marseille I dropped off face of the Earth for awhile. No one would mees me anyway. I avoided all social media, 'accidentally' lost my phone, and arrived beck een Kazakhstan with my hood up and my heart full of shame.

I wonted to stop existing. So I deed. I fled beck to my parent's house in Almaty and hid. Yuri would probably call me loser and hate me even more. He would be right.

To tell the truth, I woz depressed. But I woz man, so I just carried eet like burden. Thees feels I had were not meant to be dwelled on, so I just crushed them deep below. And there woz no good een admitting anything, least of all to myself, so I just seemply kept silent.

I went about my days like normal, keeping silent and crushing the feels and carrying the burden, and een the evenings I locked myself een my room and buried myself deep een the internet where I deed not heve to feel, deed not heve to admit, and could unload the burden just briefly — just temporarily — just enough to geev me courage to know I could wake up again the next day and do eet all over again.

I guezz I should clear something up. I deed just wont to be friends with Yuri, you know. Eet deed not occur to me that we could be anything more. Eet woz strange: I reminded myself of typical yaoi character who cannot admit he is homosexual. I read BL comics every night. I jerked off to twink porn. I woz eighty-nine percent sure I woz een luff with a boy, for Christ's sake. But, hey, I never said eet out loud, deed I? I never acted on eet irl. I never even admitted that I kinda maybe liked the fucking _kees_. I em not even admitting eet now.

Eet woz just something that I could pretend had not heppened. Eet woz not real. Eet woz just part of the me who came out at night.

I woz just not ready to confess eet, I suppose. I deed not expect myself to ever be ready.

Eet woz one random night when I woz desperately waiting for the new chepter of Killing Stalking to come out that I found eet: the mothersheep of the OtaYuri fandom on Tumblr. I mean, I knew the Yuri's Angels had been shipping us for a while, ever since Barcelona when I rescued heem on my bike, swooping een like some hero een an anime. Boy, those were the days. The days I could luff heem silently, innocently, unknowingly een my own heart. However, beck then I woz not aware of the sheer volumes of fanart, fanfiction, fan-meta, and fan-fucking-everything that existed like a secret stash hand-crafted for my personal use een the most mouth-watering, sqwee-inducing, heart-breaking circle jerk of a wet dream.

At first I avoided eet like ballet. But eventually my curiosity got the better of me. I felt bad at first — eet seemed like a betrayal to Yuri, I guezz. But Yuri never wonted to see me again, so een the end I just caved to temptation and dove een headfirst. I em not sure I heve ever really resurfaced since then. Somehow I ended up finding eet strangely comforting, to drown myself een thees online space where there woz so much support for myself and the person I probably maybe luffed. I mean, they deed not know I had already sunk that ship. But, now, theese fantasies were all I had. I could just trawl through, giggling at the cuteness, blushing at the NSFW, and sobbing quietly to myself een deepest regret. The pain woz punishment I felt I deserved, the pleasure a gluttonous desire to spoil anything beautiful I ever could heve had.

And although at that point, my feels had become too obvious to ignore any longer, no amount of doujinshi or fanfiction could heve ever convinced me to act on them.

No. Eet woz Viktor who convinced me of that.

One day, my leptop woz running slow becuz of how far down I had scrolled, and eet woz around then that I saw eet. A photo — irl photo — of Yuri and me, standing together een the dim car park. Hees hands were gripping my hood, hees face angled up and disappearing eento the darkness enveloping mine.

My heart preety much stopped. I slemmed the leptop shut. Then I proceeded to heve panic attack that lasted about four or five days, geev or take. Eventually I had to go outside and try to explain thees to my parents. I thought I would heve to make a defence to all the local newspapers. See, I woz convinced eet had gone viral. How could eet not heve? My title as hero of Kazakhstan would be stripped from me een an eenstant.

But when I went eento the kitchen, my parents were normal. When I went eento the streets, the world woz normal. Confused, I went beck to my computer and tried to find thees photo again. As eet turned out, the only place eet existed woz een that one tag on Tumblr. "Omg, amazing photoshop!" the comments read. "Kyaaa! Too real!" "It's so freakin' beautiful! I'm crying! T.T" I theenk I breathed properly for the first time een a week.

The irony woz that the photo _woz_ real. But nobody believes a random fangirl on Tumblr. Nobody believes their irl ship could be canon. I woz saved. For now, anyway.

Efter that experience, eet became harder and harder for me to pretend the whole thing had never happened. I had proof now, you see. I could no longer write eet off as silly sexy daydream I felt only slightly guilty about heving. I could remember Yuri's lips, wet efter he licked them, and hees breathless laugh and triumphant eyes as he grinned at me efterwards.

He woz truly amazing, thees boy. I mean, eet had taken me five fucking years to admit I woz eenterested een heem only as _friend_. Then efter one year of friendsheep I woz only _barely_ beginning to understand that there woz more to my feelings than that. But there he woz, lightyears ahead of me een every way.

 _For now._ I just wont to be friends with you _for now._

I thought eet mildly amusing that I made exact same mistake as I had seen Chun Sam make een Raising a Bat. How could I read so much BL and still be so stoopid. Just how? Oh, well. Even eef I had managed to say eet properly, I dont theenk eet would heve mattered. How long woz I going to take to come to terms with thees feelings? A year? Another five? I wozn't entirely convinced that even eef I deed understand them one day, that I would ever heve courage enough to admit them. So I told myself eet deed not matter. Yuri should not heve needed to wait for a slowpoke like me. Glaciers are awesome, but they do not make good boyfriends.

Eet woz my mother who pointed out I had not been beck to the ice rink een two full months. However I knew I could not go beck. My skating woz never about me. I woz only symbol of my peoples — stiff, strong, and strict. And symbols are not supposed to cry, or heve opinions, or heve feelings. Especially not ones that clash with the views of the general population. They deed not wont to see effeminate men, swirling and twirling and shaking their hips on the ice, een their living rooms, on national television. Eef they knew what I really woz … Tsk. I could no longer perform knowing I deed not deserve their praise and their pride. The ice woz a battlefield, but I had no fight left in me. So I just stopped. I just deed not go beck.

That ees, until one night een March. Eet woz sometime een the early morning — three or four AM, I theenk. I woz on the computer een my bedroon, freshly orgasmed to some corny porny omegaverse manga and airing out my boxers, when a call started coming through. I do not know wot possessed me to answer. Perhaps I woz lonely, but I em not about to admit to such weakness.

The video took moment to load. The leetle box showing my webcam woz all een darkness, except for my own face lit up by the light of the monitor. I looked exactly like ghost. My face woz drawn and pale, my eye sockets deeply hooded, and the frown woz etched deep een all my features.

My heart woz frozen eenside my chest as the video flicked eento view, and I met eyes across the world with Yuri.

Katsuki, that ees.

He leffed a leetle. "Oh, er, hi there, Otabek!"

I blinked at heem. I considered henging up immediately, but … I don't know. Social anxiety cursed me to be indecisive until eet woz already too late. "… Wot do you wont?" I whispered eventually, glancing around. My house woz small, the walls thin. I deed not wont to wake my parents.

"What? Eh, I — can't — hear — you! CAN — YOU — HEAR — ME?"

I cringed, lifting the mic of my headphones closer to my mouth. "I hear you fine! Wot do you wont!"

"Can you hear me NOW?" he shouted, leaning over the keyboard as hees glasses slipped down hees nose a leetle. Then, hees face almost crashed eento the screen as he jumped out of hees skin. My view woz suddenly obscured by Yuri basically hugging the monitor.

"Yuri~? Who are you talkink to?" came the voice of Viktor.

"Oh — no one, Viktor!" he leffed guiltily. "I thought you were — _ah!_ — having a showerasdasf—"

There were noises of a struggle, then the screen cleared again and Viktor woz peering at me under cross brow. Hees eyes widened when he saw me, and then they darted around. "Oooh … er, hi Otabek! How are you~?" he leffed stoopidly at me, then grebbed Yuri. "What the heck do you theenk you are doing?" he whispered.

"I'm sorry," Yuri wailed in a low voice. "I just couldn't stand seeing Yurio like this …"

"Oh, me too, me too!" sobbed Viktor, clutching hees hands. "But what do we dooo —?"

"— Er, you know I can hear you guys," I interrupted quickly. They turned to look at me, bleenking as eef they had forgotten my presence already. Neither knowing wot to do, they begun shooting each other silent signals that neither seemed to understand. I sighed. "I em henging up."

"No, don't—!" pleaded Yuri.

"No, Otabek," said Viktor. For some reason, hees tone stilled me. He shoved hees luffer away and sat down in front of the screen, adjusting eet so eet caught heem een hees best light. He cocked hees head slightly, smiling at me. "Otabek~? Are you leestening?"

I gulped. "I em here."

"Good," he said, fleeping hees hair. "Just leesten to me a sec, OK?" He held hees finger to hees chin for a second, then turned shrewd eyes to me. "Why iz eet you're not here at Worlds with us, hmm?" he said, smiling a smile that woz definitely a trap.

Worlds. Wow. I totally forgot. Viktor and Yuri were there … and Yuri, too. He would heve found out by now that I woz not coming beck. I deed not dare to wonder how that made heem feel.

I avoided Viktor's gaze nervously. Unfortunately, I theenk this woz first time I had ever spoken to Viktor Nikiforov. He woz … eentimidating to me. Not becoz of hees prestigous career, but for seemply being the flamboyant homosexual that he woz. He woz opposite of me, I guezz. I deed not know how to deal with heem at all. "I heve … retired?" I said weakly.

"Oh, haff you?" he said, sounding cheerfully eenterested. "You don't sound veery sure to me!" He wagged hees finger at me, smiling so beeg that hees eyes became curved lines. "Why would you do such a stoopid thing anyway? Ees there — I don't know — some reason for eet, hmm?"

"Becoz eet has been two years seence I heve made eet to the podium," I inseested.

He fleecked hees hair out of hees face, and when hees eyes met mine again they were super fucking scary. "You're sure eet's not something else?" he said quietly.

For a moment our eyes met. I swallowed, and shook my head. In the beckground, Yuri woz sitting on their hotel bed, looking nervously at hees husband and chewing hees lip. Viktor studied my face for a second, then shrugged hees arms up. "Oh! Alright then! I'll just tell Yurio that you've given up!"

I grit my teeth, glaring at them both. I would not take the bait.

Yuri raised hees hand to hees mouth, and whispered, "Viktor, is he cracking?"

Viktor shushed heem, but then nodded fervently.

I cleared my throat. "Er, eef that ees all then I would like to be henging up now."

"Wait, Otabek!" cried Yuri, rushing to the screen. "Yurio won't say it out loud, but he's been looking all over the place for you! He could barely speak when he saw your name wasn't on the performance list! How could you — how could you just disappear like that without a word?"

I took a few deep breaths, my heart dropping painfully eento my stomach. "Yuri does not wont to see me."

"Maybe not, but he steell wants to compete with you," said Viktor. "Don't you remember hees reaction when Yuri tried to retire? Don't you know heem at all?"

"Eet ees not up to heem whom he skates against," I said, knitting my brow. "You two just spoil heem too much."

"But … that's because we care about him," said Yuri, smiling gently. They both looked at each other, their expressions soft, and then they turned to look at me.

I stared beck, watching their pleasant faces turn to disappointment. Eventually gave een to the pressure, and just face-palmed and sighed. "I care about heem, too, OK? Ees that wot you wont to hear? I wonted to be hees friend, but he told me heemself that that woz no longer so. Wot em I supposed to do?"

To my surprise, Viktor smiled. Eet woz a sad smile, a knowing smile, a smile that said d'awwh. And for some reason, out of nowhere, eet made me furious. Eet woz like all the defensiveness I had kept bottled eenside all thees time came spilling out. My belly filled with heat, and suddenly I woz on my feet.

"Wot?" I demanded. I blinked, panicking, as blood rushed to my neck. "Don't smile like that, like I said something cute! I deedn't say anything!" I woz hyperventilating. Wot had I said? Wot had I admitted? These two romantical idiots with hearts for mouths wonted to put words een my mouth! But I never said I luffed heem. I never said eet! I never said—!

"I haff an idea~" said Viktor, raising hees finger een the air. "Otabek iz bed with words, da? It iz the same with Yuri here." He put hees arm around Yuri and dregged hees face closer to the webcam. "When I was impatient for Yuri to tell me hees feelings, I seemply made heem skate to Eros to force dem out of heem!" He leffed, as Yuri blushed and smiled sheepishly. "So, all Otabek needs to do iz skate hees feelings to Yurio!"

I woz still trying to catch my breath from before. "My feelings?" I spat. My body woz trembling and I clenched my fists. "Thees ees not something I can do."

"Whaaaat?" cried Viktor, pouting like disappointed child. "Why iz dat?"

I swallowed nervously, beginning to stammer. "Becoz … I-I can't. That kind of skating ees … My country would not approve …!"

Viktor cocked hees head to the side. "What are you talking about, Otabek? I thought your feelings for Yuri were just of friendsheep?" I blinked at heem, my eyes growing wide. Viktor began to leff. "All I meant was for you to skate to convince Yurio to forget whatever heppened before and return to being BFFs with you. Iz dat not eet? Why would your country not approve of healthy male friendsheep? "

My body woz frozen, my mouth flapping open and closed like feesh. I dropped my face eento my hands.

Viktor giggled, and Yuri smiled like he woz trying not to. They looked so demn heppy. Eet woz hopeless. I woz mortified. And I woz trepped een corner now.

"Sooo, you will do eet, won't you?" asked Viktor, clasping hees hands in front of heem and making hees eyes beeg and hees mouth shaped like heart once more.

I frowned, looking up at the ceiling to avoid them. Mournfully, I nodded. "Nn."

They bounced up and down, hugging and keesing each other. I eyed them grumpily, unsure eef I woz repulsed or jealous. But then I imagined hugging and keesing Yura and I … I admit I had indecent reaction.

"Er … can I ask you both question?" I asked eventually.

Viktor stopped shaking Yuri een headlock, as Yuri reached up to fix hees glasses. "What is it?" he asked, throwing an embarrassed but admiring glance at Viktor.

I grit my teeth. "Ah … er, how do you do eet?"

"Do what?" Viktor leffed, still somewhat strangling hees Yuri.

"Well, you know …" I blushed, my heart beating painfully fast. I flepped my mouth for a second, then eet all gushed out like word vomit. "Eesn't Russia as homophobic as Kazakhstan? Eesn't eet more? How do you do eet? My peoples theenk I em hero — I do not wont to disgust and betray them!"

They both stared at me a moment. Then, Viktor burst out leffing.

"Bwaahaahaha!" he leffed, then quickly slapped hees hands over hees mouth. Hees eyes, wide, glanced at Yuri, whose hands were also covering hees face. They grinned at each other.

"Cuuute," whispered Yuri, and when he moved hees hands I saw with horror that hees mouth was a heart as well.

Viktor's eyes were disappeared. "So serious! So seriously cute!"

"What — shaddap," I defended, horrified and mortified by my shameful words.

"My heart went doki doki," giggled Yuri.

"I theenk I swooned a leetle~" leffed Viktor.

I grebbed the front of my leptop. "I EM HANGING UP—"

Viktor waved hees hand beck and forth quickly. "No no no, Otabek, stay! Please!" he sniggered a leetle, hiding hees mouth. "But seriously! Why you worry about such theengs, silly boy? You will be badly discriminated against, no doubt. And, of course, they will censor any gay sheet you do publicly." He leffed loudly, flipped hees hair and winked at me. "Other than dat eet's sort of don't ask, don't tell — ya know~?"

"Um, OK, I'm getting a little jealous now," Yuri added nervously.

Viktor threw hees arm heppily around hees husband, blowing out a beeg sigh. "Phew, well, when you said _"how do you do eet?"_ there I seriously thought you were asking us about anal sex for a second! I mean, WOW~! Ha ha ha!"

There woz nothing een my mouth to do spit take but somehow I deed eet anyway. "Er, no! No, I—"

"Anyway, I feel you haff lied to us efter all, Otabek," Viktor continued, hees eyes disappearing into lines as hees smile suddenly turned terrifying again. "Now, why don't you tell us your real intentions with our son, hmmm?"

I blenched and started to stammer, when the sound of a door banging open made all three of us jump.

"Oi, piggy and Viktor—" drawled Yurio. I mean Yura. I mean Yuri Plisetsky. I mean — shit.

My heart stopped as our eyes met through the webcam. I woz unable to control the expression on my face, but I watched as hees turned from shock — to horror — to fury — to —

Well, I don't know wot else becoz, een a panic, I slemmed my leptop shut.

Yes, I em coward. Please do not blame me for thees. I mean, eet woz the first time I had seen heem een all these months. No Instagram pic or doujinshi artwork or even that Tumblr photo of our shared kees. Eet woz really heem: alive and expressive as always, and loudmouthed and rude and infuriatingly impulsive. And despite me spending the best part of two months denying and forgetting and repressing all feelings and urges and longings I had for heem, eet woz all useless once I saw hees face again.

Becoz, just then, my mouth became shaped like a heart.

Fuck. I woz a romantical bastard efter all.

I sat there, trying to catch my breath, for I don't know how long. I realised too late how stoopid I had been. Of course Viktor and Yuri K. would tell heem every word of our conversation. Of course they would tell heem to expect me at the next beeg skating event, wheech just so happened to be the Grand Prix eetself. Of course they would tell heem that I had declared to skate my feelings for heem to win hees luff — and then asked for advice on anal sex!

My feelings! Wot were those!? I deed not know, but I knew I had to figure eet out soon. I had to figure eet out, then express eet een brand new programme — a programme so good that eet ensured I met Yura at the final too. So that he could see. So that he could know. So that I could tell heem, or show heem, or somehow let heem know that … er, I luffed heem, I guezz?

So wot deed I do, you ask? Well. I went to the rink, of course. I needed to prectice already.


	5. Chapter 5

(●￣(ｴ)￣●)

One day, not so long efter that phonecall with Victuuri, I came home from the rink to find Yuri Plisetsky on the TV.

You know, I deed not theenk my parents ever watched figure skating. Every time I went away to competition, Papa inseested I set up the tape recorder so they could watch eet no matter wot time zone eet played een. However, every time I got beck I woz told they broke eet, or I hadn't set eet up right, or they seemply forgot how to do eet again. They would not go to watch eet een the pub — too humble, you see. So usually I had to get eet up on the Youtube and we would all seet awkwardly at the dinner table watching eet een silence, then efterwards they would nod and say, "Ah, yes. Very well done, son." Mama would ruffle my hair, and Papa would pat my shoulder, and that woz eet.

But there they were, eating dinner at the table, and there he woz on the ice.

Papa reached for the remote, but I held up my hand. "Eet's OK," I said, becoz apparently I speak Eenglish een my own home as well. I put down my bag and skates and my parents looked at each other across the dinner table, but I tried not pay too much attention to their expressions.

And, anyway, my eyes were fixed on Yuri. Eet woz a rerun of Worlds, I recognised hees costume. I will not go on about that costume and how much or leetle I heve studied eet een my room late at night, but those photos I saw honestly deed not do heem justice. Hees expression woz ferocious, the same one he wore when he saw me on the call with Victuuri that night. Hees teeth were gritted the entire time he skated, but — fuck — deed he skate. He woz like firey tornado, like mechanical toy that had been wound up too tight. He skated the way I felt eenside. Except he woz full of hatred, full of fury, and when he woz done he bared hees teeth at the ice as he stormed off the rink.

I woz still standing at the door, shaking een my boots. How — how deed he express eet? I knew from one look at heem wot he woz trying to say. And … I woz preety sure he woz saying eet to me.

I had spent days — weeks — skating een circles, rubbing my cheen, wondering, wondering, how to put my feelings eento my programme. Eet woz not something I had ever done before, you understand. My themes were always something like pride or duty or tradition — not personal feelings, I guezz. I woz a part of something, and that gave me strength. How woz I to find strength to skate something as ambiguous and tumultuous and singular as love?

Yuri took a selfie een the kiss and cry, and when hees scores came up my mother tsked.

"Who ees that boy?" asked Papa.

I inhaled a leetle. "That ees Yuri Plisetsky."

"He woz not veery good," Mama said, turning beck to her meal.

I spun around, bleenking. "Wot?" I asked blenkly.

She shrugged, digging eento her pilaf. "He skates like faggot."

My breath trembled on the way out as my body woz frozen. My chest started to shake, my belly convulsing.

I realised that I woz leffing.

Mama looked up at me, eyebrows knit. "Wot?"

The grin spread across my face like maniac. I clutched my stomach, bending over and bellowing leffs eento the floor. I straightened up suddenly. "Wot does a faggot skate like, Mama? Seriously? Do you even know?" She pursed her lips at me and rolled her eyes like I woz antagonising on purpose. Somehow that just angered me even more. "You wouldn't know a faggot eef eet woz leeving under your own roof!"

"Wot deed you say?" she asked, rising to her feet. I looked between them both, my papa looking anxious and avoiding eye contect, and my mother clutching her fork een her hand. I sighed, and looked her een the eye. "You heard me," I said, picking up my skates. "I heve decided I will be competing again een the weenter season. Then you will see how faggot skates."

I went to my room, pecked my bags, and woz just leaving through the beck when a door opened een front of me. Papa came out of the toilet, glancing at me blenkly. He deed not seem surprised to see me leaving, bags and all. He sweetched off the light een the bathroom, and passed me to return to the hall.

"You deed not set up the tape recorder yet."

I stared beck at heem, and he turned around and smiled at me. I leffed a leetle, shaking my head. "You will heve to figure eet out yourself," I said. "You could just Google eet, you know."

"Eempossible," he said. "At least teach me how to use the Google first." He looked down at my bags, and up at me, hees eyes wreenkling sadly. "Before you go?"

I put down my bags, and walked over to heem slowly. "I'm sorry," I said.

"Don't be," he said, grinning. He slapped my face brusquely, as affectionate as my father ever got. "I em … glad to see you do something for yourself for once. I theenk thees year's programme will be your best yet."

We were men. We deed not cry. But my eyes were wet and stung like a beetch as I left my house that night.

When I went beck to the ice efter that, something woz different. When I skated for my country, I had strength but no emotion to express. When I tried to skate for Yuri, I had emotion but no strength to express eet. However, my papa'a words kept repeating themselves een my head: _do something for yourself for once._

I woz always skating for somebody else. My country. My femily. My Yura. But eet woz only when I began skating for myself that I became something worthy of any of them.

Well … I em tired already of being so serious. But I heve to say one lest thing. The first time I skated that programme, I bawled my fucking eyes out. On the ice. Een the kees and cry. Even een the toilet efterwards. There were tears streaming down my cheeks the entire time, but my face woz blenk as always. I hoped that both my parents were watching, becoz I felt proud as hell.

I will not describe thees programme to you. Eet goes beyond words, I guezz. That ees kind of whole point. But who knows, maybe eet will make eet eento season 2.

All that ees important ees that eet got me to the podium. He woz always avoiding me, Yuri woz. Eef I looked hees way he would avert hees eyes. Eef I tried to approach heem he would just manage to sleep away. Eef I tried to follow heem, I just ended up feeling like creepy stalker.

Eef I ever took advice from yaoi about how to get the attention of my crush, I probably would heve raped heem already. But I know the difference, OK. That kind of theenking ees dangerous consequence of sinking eento a subculture that romanticises thees things. Eef I so much as accidentally breathed the same air as heem without hees consent I would heve probably killed myself and then heem. I ain't no Junjou Romantica beetch.

But I deedn't need that anyway — now that I woz finally at the podium. I had finally reached heem. I woz finally beside heem! He could no longer run away. The moment we finished the interviews and were out of the camera's gaze, I woz efter heem. He woz helf-walking, helf-running away from me, but I grebbed hees wrist.

"Yuri!" I said, as he yanked hees arm from my grip. He glared at me, even more furious than before. Hees eyes were so bright, on a level with mine. I gulped. On the podium, I woz looking down on heem so I hadn't noticed. "You … grew."

He tsked. "Five centimetres," he said, flipping hees hair out of hees face and baring hees teeth een a grin. And — fuck — I got a leetle bit frazzled by that, I'll admit.

I woz stammering so hard I barely knew wot I woz saying. "C-congrats," I said.

Hees grin slowly curled eento a snarl, the silver medal on hees chest glinting with hees eyes. Before I knew eet he had pounced on me, scratching and biting me like beeg cat. Hees coach ended up dregging heem away, kicking and thrashing and swearing een Russian. JJ passed by and petted me on the beck. That woz the worst part, possibly.

Seriously, wot a fucking failure. I woz running out of time. I tried asking help from Victuuri but they were too busy keesing each other's gold medals to even notice me. And — well, I woz secondary character so I deedn't heve any relations with the other guys. With no other support, I just ended up at the ball all alone, trying desperately to catch Yuri's eye, to get a chance to steal heem away from hees posse and possibly talk to heem eef my nerves allowed eet. Eet woz so depressing. Even eef I deed, wot woz I going to say? I deed not know wot to do, so I pulled a Yuri Katsuki and ended up getting a lettle drunk off champagne. However, I em not the type to start a dance-off, I seemply had to piss more often.

And eet woz then that I found my opening. Yuri's women friend became distracted chatting to someone else, and for a brief moment Yuri woz all alone. I became rigid with nerves, but immediately started towards heem. But as I deed he turned around and made hees way through the crowds to the door. I rushed to follow, pushing past who cares who on my way. I burst out the door, to find an empty hallway.

"Y-Yuri?" I called softly. Nothing. I glanced around nervously and explored the nearest corridors that veered off, but everywhere woz empty. I sighed.

I thought I might as well use the facilities while I woz out here. Once een the jacks I went eento a cubicle. I hate pissing at urinals, you see, eet ees just geevs me a lot of anxiety OK. So I woz pissing een the cubicle, almost done, when there woz footsteps on the other side. I paused, my stream weakening a leetle. Woz that too much information? Anyway, then —

BANG!

I guezz you're supposed to say "Someone een here~" or something. But eet sounded like they knocked with their foot. And by knocked, I mean almost banged the door down.

BANG. BANG. BANG. Panicked, I shook the piss off my dick, flushed the toilet and zipped up as quickly as possible. They were still trying to kick the door down when I reluctantly opened eet a crack and peered out.

I mean … you already know who eet woz, right?

I said something breathy that woz not Eenglish, Russian or even Jepenese. Yuri just glared at me, hees hands stuffed eenside hees pockets.

"You … wont something?" I asked, smiling een terror.

"I should be de one asking YOU dat," he spat.

I bleenked. "But you followed me eento toilet, so …?"

"Stoopid! You followed me out of de ballroom!"

"Oh … right," I said. I looked at heem sheepishly.

"You haff been staring at me too much, it's emberressing," he scoffed, stepping beck and leaning casually against the wall. He crossed hees arms, looking me over with a resigned sort of disapproval. "Eef you haff something to say, I will leesten. But dat iz all I do."

I flepped my mouth a leetle. "Er … can I wash my hands first?" I asked. He narrowed hees eyes at me, dangerously unamused. I scurried to the sinks anyway, rinsed my hands quickly, then turned back to heem. "Um …" My mind woz so fucking blenk. I woz not ready. I deed not know wot to say. All I could theenk woz eef he thought I woz weirdo for pissing een the cubicle!

Efter a few minutes of me hmming and haahing, he rolled hees eyes and straightened up. "Alright, eef you're not going to say anything, let me clear some sheet up." He took a step towards me, pointing hees finger at my nose. "First of all, I don't LIKE you or anything gay like dat. The only reason I did DAT was because Viktor and Katsudon put some stoopid idea een my head dat you liked me, and — and I was just going with de flow, OK!? Eet's no beeg deal. I could not even CARE LESS eef we just went beck to being friends, but eet's just way too awkward already. So, whatever. Dat's de end of eet."

He fleeped hees hair out of hees face and turned to storm off, when I finally found my voice. "I —"

He spun around, eyes wide.

"I — I don't wont to be friends!" I blurted out. Eet took all my courage. He wrinkled hees brow at me, opening hees mouth to argue, but I barged een ahead of heem. "I mean — well — when I called out to you een Barcelona … I had imagined that moment over and over for five years already," I sighed. "I had rehearsed every line. I woz trying to sound cool and aloof but I … een the moment eetself, I realised eet woz not just friends I wonted to be." Hees face woz stricken, turning pale. I took deep breath, trying not to blush. "I … I em real idiot," I leffed. "I woz finding eet so difficult to understand all of eet. I still deed not quite know wot I wonted … Wot woz more than friends … And then — you — you just keesed me, just like that! Like eet woz easy! And eet made sense, suddenly, but eet also deedn't make any sense at all. And eet woz terrifying and deeferent and — amazing, you know, but still terrifying. And I woz surprised and deedn't know how to explain eet so I ended up saying exactly the wrong thing. And then I tried to skate my feelings for you, but een the end I couldn't do that either." I breathed shakily, staring at the floor. "So — I'm trying now, to say eet properly. Thees ees veery difficult for me. But … I don't wont to be just friends with you, Yuri." I swallowed a lump een my throat. "I'm sorry."

"You …" he said, hees hair hiding hees face as he grit hees teeth at the floor. I watched heem tremble, from hees toes to the top of hees head. I deed not know wot would come exploding out, but jumped a leetle when eet deed. "You IDIOT! Why deedn't you just text me this?! I unblocked you, like, eleven months ago!"

I bleenked. "You blocked me?"

He bleenked. "You didn't try to contect me?"

I scratched my head. "Well … I couldn't put the words together …"

Yuri stared at me, mouth agape. "You … you really are stoopid."

I nodded solemnly. "Thees ees true. But I understand that eet ees too late for us to be even friends. I woz too slow, like glacier."

"IDIOT," he yelled again, shaking hees head wildly. "Glaciers are awesome! I luff glaciers!"

"You … wot?" I asked. "You said you—"

"I LIED!" he shouted. "Of course I lied! I fucking —" He stopped, slamming hees mouth shut and turning suddenly pink.

Yeah, I noticed he said luff as well.

"So, we—" he said, averting hees eyes.

"Yeah," I breathed.

"Eet's mutual?" we said een unison.

Something about being the same height now woz amazing. He could not really hide by showing me the top of hees head anymore. All I had to do woz bend my knees a leetle and lean over, to see wot expression he woz trying to hide behind hees hair. He glanced over, meeting my eyes reluctantly. I straightened up, embarrassed suddenly. I could not hide either.

Yuri shook hees hair away, pointing hees finger at me again. "Hang on — you haven't said it clearly yet."

"Said wot?"

"Your feelings!"

"I …" I took a deep breath. "Well, I'm een luff with you."

Yuri's lips parted a leetle, hees face going blenk. Hees eyes stared eento mine for a moment.

"Now you say eet," I added.

He twisted hees face up een annoyance, and he turned immediately tamato red. "I already said eet!"

"No you deedn't," I said. "You just said you luff glaciers. I em not really glacier, you know."

"I —" he pursed hees lips, shaking hees head wildly. "I …" He bleenked at the floor. Hees body woz shaking, and suddenly I felt bad for forcing heem. Well, kinda. Eventually he just shook himself and yelled een annoyance. "Fuck eet! You know already! Don't force me, Beka!"

I leffed a leetle, feeling my burden lighten properly for the first time. Eet woz all good, right? That woz so easy. I mean, eet wozn't easy, but eet woz seemple. Eet woz hardly worth waiting four chepters for already, so my apologies for that. Classic miscommunication drama. The foundations of good romance.

Yuri put hees hands on hees hips and confronted me face on. "So — are you going to say eet or what?"

"Say wot?" I asked.

He averted hees eyes. "De thing! You know! _Are you going to kees me or not?_ "

"Oh, you wont me to kees you?"

"No, stoopid, I wont you to say de line!"

"Em I going to kees you, or—?"

"NO — BEKA — ARGH! Nevermind OK?!" He shook hees hair eento hees face, emberressed. "Eet's a stoopid line anyway! So fucking cringey! And so overused, as well. These fanfic losers don't know how to come up with anything original anymo—"

Yuri stopped hees rambling abruptly when I stepped forwards and brushed hees hair curtains out of the way, then took hees face een both my hands and keesed heem.

He grabbed my shirt and pushed me away suddenly. He looked me een the eyes, hees chest rising and falling rapidly. "Well … finally," he said quietly, hees hands creeping up eento my hair. My eyes widened as he suddenly yanked me beck eento the kees.

I couldn't even stop to breathe. And eef I deed try, I would only inhale all of hees scent and hees heat and hees breath and … oh, _shit_.

Hees hands were een my hair — then pulling my chest tight against hees — then hees tongue woz een my mouth and I woz starting to lose the feeling een my lower half — and even hees legs were moving against mine, hees thigh rubbing me dangerously close to my crotch — and then suddenly he ripped my shirt out of my pants and hees hands began exploring up my bare beck. I woz starting to make emberressing noises already. I came up for air, staggering weakly against heem, huffing and puffing as he ran hees hands along my belt, all the way to the front.

I pressed my face eento hees shoulder to suppress my whimper, but he backed away from me. I raised my head groggily and our eyes met. Hees were hazy and unbleenking, staring at me lustily from underneath hees long blonde eyelashes. I bleenked fast, as he tugged on my belt and dregged me closer to heem. I staggered to follow, untheenking, as he led me smirking towards the nearest cubicle. He pushed the door open with hees butt, and bit hees lip as he looked me up and down. I stopped at the cubicle door, putting my hands either side to hold myself up. I needed a second to breathe, but he yanked my tie and pulled me een for more keesing. That's when —

BANG!

We jumped away from each other, and I spun around just een time to see another pair burst een the door.

"Yuuuuri~ I want to kees your beeg gold w—"

"Aaaagh!" yelped Katsuki, spotting us and shoving hees husband's drunk face out of hees crotch.

"Haah~?" cried Viktor, straightening up and seeing us. Hees eyes widened. Hees mouth contained heart. "Oooh, wow~" he giggled.

I looked down at myself, my shirt all messy and my tie half loose. I met eyes with Katsuki, who looked eerily similar. "We were just heving conversation," I said weakly.

Viktor sniggered, winking very obviously at me. "I guess thees room ees taken, hon," said Viktor, clutching Yuri's arm and trying to run away.

"Thees ees a toilet!" snapped Yuri. My Yuri, obviously.

"Yes, and eet looks like eet's taken, hmm~?" chirped Viktor.

"Uuuhh, sorry for bursting in," said Katsuki sheepishly, leffing and scratching hees head, but seemingly frozen to spot.

"We're so heppy for you guys~" said Viktor, swinging out of hees husband's arm.

"OH MY GOD WOULD YOU LEAVE US ALREADY?!" exploded Yuri. Viktor screeched and ran, but Katsuki had to be chased off.

"Please be safe!" he called in a cracking voice, before turning and racing efter hees husband.

The door swung eetself closed, and I turned my eyes slowly to Yuri. He woz fuming: hees fists clenched, hees teeth grinding, hees face red like cartoon character. Suddenly, he grebbed my hand and dregged me out eento the hall.

"Er, where are we going, Yuri?" I asked een high-peetched voice.

"My room!" he grunted. "Or, maybe your room eenstead. My room iz right beside THEIRS."

I slowed down, letting my hand sleep out of hees. He turned around, hees face still full of anger.

"Wot?" he asked, grinning testily.

I swallowed. "I don't wont to."

Yuri froze, glaring at me, but I saw heem take deep breath before he narrowed hees eyes at me. "Oi, I'm heppy here. We're finally on de same page already. So I'll geev you chance to explain what de heck you mean before I go getting peesed off, alright?"

I nodded quickly. "Yeah I … I mean, well …" I cringed a leetle, and then said quickly, "Eet just feels a bit like you're competing with those guys, I guezz?"

He looked at me for a second, then started leffing. "Competing? Who cares! I wanna do eet with you already. Eesn't that enough?"

My dick woz telling me: _yes! yes!_ _go with eet already, don't fucking compain!_ But my stoopid brain had control over my mouth. "I dunno eef eet ees enough, Yuri … I — I just dunno. Those guys rile you up so much, you know …"

"Hah?" he asked, becoming more unamused by the second.

Why the fuck woz I even still talking? "Don't you … heve feelings for heem?"

"Who?" he scoffed. "Dat baldy Viktor?"

I wonted to kick myself een my face but my mouth would not stop. "No, stoopid … _Yuri_."

OK, please let me take moment to explain. I know a lot of you guys ship my Yuri and Viktor together — heck I've seen one too many doujinshi that made me want to wash my eyes out with bleach. But, that ship just never made any sense to me, you know? Viktor ees like annoying papa to Yuri, and Yuri can't possibly stand anyone that fucking peppy all the demn time. But Yuri K. on the other hand … I dunno. I've always thought my Yuri hated heem just a leetle TOO much.

And — I mean — eet's just not fair! Why ees eet that the YurixYurio ship already has so many doujinshi — and even threesome doujinshi with Viktor too — but for Otayuri, eet's nothing?! Don't the Yuri's Angels theenk we are good together!? Are we not the superior ship?! I do not know wot ees fucking real anymore!

I em so fucking insecure and I hate myself.

I prepared myself to be hit or shouted at or for heem to explode een some shape or form. But he just stared at me, eyes wide, eyebrows creasing up een the middle. I watched hees Adam's apple bob een hees throat as he swallowed, then he sighed and rubbed hees face. "Demn, you are so stoopid sometimes," he said. "Why are you doing dis, huh?"

"Well," I said, "becoz … the main conflict woz resolved so easily and I'm insecure that we heven't built satisfactory foundation for our relationship." He glared at me. "And you deedn't say you luffed me properly," I added quietly.

He paused. "You won't be satisfied until I say eet directly, will you?"

I shook my head.

He sighed again. "Look I … I thought about eet at one point, you know. About haffing feels for the Katsudon. Efter the Onsen on Ice sheet when I went to Japan the first time. I was a stoopid seexteen year old with raging hormones and I got confused for half a second dat I wasn't just acting like a child bullying de kid he had crush on. I thought about eet, OK. But eet iz seemple, really. I don't feel anything when he skates Eros." He looked up at me, gesturing to the direction Viktor and Yuri went off running. "Both those idiots are important to me, but eet iz like family, Beka. Eet iz Agape. And you are Agape too, I mean, but eet iz deeferent. Your programme dis year was …" He blushed, looking down. "Eet didn't make me feel Agape at all!" He pushed hees hair behind hees ears, shaking hees head. "I mean, did you even see yourself? I mean, fuck me. Dat sheet was Eros."

My heart woz beating painfully een my chest. I deed not know wot to say.

"Anyway, I haff not looked at anyone else since de day you asked me to become friends with you," he muttered grumpily. He looked at me then, hees green eyes glinting. "You get eet now?" he snarled.

"I get eet," I said quickly. "I get eet." He glanced up at my face, then rushed een to hug me. I wrapped my arms around heem, squeezing heem tightly.

I woz so heppy I could heve died. I woz not about to remind heem that he still had not said the word luff. I woz not that stoopid. And … wot he said woz much better anyway.

"I can't believe you make me say such lame-ess things," he grumbled. "So. GAY."

"Eesn't that the point?" I leffed lightly.

He snuggled eento my neck. I jumped a leetle, feeling hees breath and hees mouth on my skin. "I want to do even gayer things," he muttered.

I leeterally stopped breathing. "Uh, like wot?" I asked. He let me go, looking at me with suggestive eyes. "Like go on gay cruise?" I asked. He reached eenside my pocket, making me squirm, and removed my room key. "Like go to rave?" I asked, as he rolled hees eyes and took my hand. "Like gay day at Disneyland?" I asked, as he led me to the elevator. "Like binge watch RuPaul?" I asked, as we held hands tightly while riding eet up to the right floor. "Like go to Beyonce concert?" I asked, as he booped the keycard on the door of my hotel room.

"Like THIS," Yuri said finally, grinning as he pushed me against the wall eenside. I could not protest — hees mouth woz already on my mouth and the teengles were een the becks of my legs. The rest of my body felt numb and swollen and throbbing and holy crep this woz dangerous. Although I keesed heem beck as best I could, een reality I woz frozen een terror. He woz ripping the buttons open on my shirt, and touching me everywhere, and I woz unable to move — unable breathe — unable to keep up. He tore hees own jecket and shirt off, and led me to the bed. He sat down and drew me closer, keesing my belly and moving towards my belt. I put my hands to my head, panicking, not knowing wot to do at all. He unbuckled me expertly and shoved my pants down around my ankles.

Eet woz too much — my legs buckled and I dropped to my knees. I grabbed heem around the middle and hugged heem close, trying to buy just a minute to catch my breath and calm down.

"Uh, Beka?" he asked, tepping my shoulder awkwardly. I took a few deep breaths and then kissed hees chest, looking down at hees crotch and gulping. I reached for hees belt, but my hands were shaking and I fumbled for a moment or two. The more I fumbled the more I panicked.

"Oi, Beka!" he called again. I stopped, dropping my face eento my hands. He reached down to my neck, trying to coax my head up to look at heem, but I couldn't. He thumped me then een annoyance. "Dude, what de heck?"

"I'm sorry," I choked. "I'm too nervous. Just gimme a sec."

Yuri patted my head, so gentle like. Then he slid down to seet beside me on the floor. He tried to wrench my hands away from my face, but I just closed my eyes and hung my head in shame.

Wot the heck woz wrong with me? I woz supposed to be cool. I woz supposed to be the elder. I woz supposed to be a men!

Yuri reached beck and found my shirt. He draped eet over my shoulders. "Eet's OK," he said. "Dat's enuff for today."

"W-wot?" I asked breathlessly. He stood up, and my eyes followed heem in shock. "Y-you're sure?"

"Da," he said, stretching hees arms out and stifling a yawn. He shrugged. "I wanna do eet, but I want us both to be ready. And you're totally trembling, men." He turned around, grinning cheekily at me. Then he turned hees head thoughtfully. "I wonder if dey haff hot chocolate?"

I gaped at heem, then collapsed een heap on the floor. "But …"

"There's no rush, iz there?" he said, sitting on the table and sifting through the tea selection. He turned on me suddenly, throwing some Earl Grey at my stoopid head. "Unless you're plenning to disappear off de face of de earth again, bastard?"

"No, no way," I said earnestly.

"Well den." He picked up the kettle, flicked eet open and peered eenside. "I still want to see dis lake een Almaty, you know."

I bleenked, my heart trilling away like Angel wings. "My lease ees up soon, you know," I said shakily. "I em theenking of moving somewhere deeferent thees time."

Thees woz lie, actually. Thees woz pure spur of the moment theenking.

"Oh?" He headed eento the bathroom with the kettle, and I heard heem turn the water on. "Anywhere nice een mind?"

I took a deep breath. "Maybe … Saint Petersburg? Somewhere like that?"

Yuri deedn't say anything, and when he returned from the bathroom hees face woz all hidden by hees hair. But hees ears that stuck out were pink. "S-sounds nice, men," he leffed. Then I jumped up, grebbed heem and threw heem over my shoulder. He yelped, but then we were leffing een hysterics and quickly collapsed een heap on floor. He tried to clamber off me, blushing tamato red, but then our eyes met and we both just lay and panted and grinned.

I reached up, touching hees hair as eet fell een front of hees face. He swallowed, lowering heemself slightly, hees slender frame fitting so nicely on top of mine. "You do … want to, though, right?"

I nodded. Eet woz too emberressing to say eet, but I just wonted to let myself fall completely een love with heem first.

He nodded as well, averting hees eyes. "Well, da. Whatever." He trembled a leetle, then blurted, "I luff you too, or whatever!" Then he thumped me hard and buried hees head een my chest.

Yes, eet woz heppy times. That woz bruise I wished would never go away.

"Thank God we stopped where we deed," I sighed later, as we sat on the bed watching a movie and sipping hot chocolate. "Thees story ees not actually rated for anything gayer than thees."

* * *

 ** _AN:_**

 ** _Ah, I am just such a fan of long-winded confessions. I made it way too long and I'm all anxious about it for no reason, but at the end of the day I only have one more chapter left to write and really it's more of a bonus chapter (I say that now, but ...). Thanks to all reading this, especially those who have reviewed! :) I hope eet woz fun xD_**


	6. Chapter 6

_**Hello and thanks for reading. Sorry I took so long with the last chapter, I had an exam and then was working late for a couple of weeks, but I got it done eventually! My plan for my Paddy's day long weekend was to get this finished (I'm Irish lol). I left it a bit late but it's finally done!**_

 _ **If you have any interest in my writing, please choose to follow me! I may have a Viktuuri oneshot in the works, and lots of stuff for other fandoms. Please review this fic as well, I really appreciate it!**_

 _ **Anyway, thanks for the support during this one, it woz fun!**_

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(●￣(ｴ)￣●)

I do not mean to be lewd, but …

Actually, thees ees a lie. I wont to be lewd. You probably wont me to be lewd. Yuri definitely wonts me to be lewd. I will just take deep breath and do eet.

*Sigh*

I asked heem … to send pics. You know the kind of pics. Please forgive me *bows*

You must understand, thees woz efter many weeks of constant messaging where the tone not so rarely drifted to innuendo. Thees woz efter many many conversations that got me hard as a rock in unfortunate places like the bus or the supermarket or while helping old grendmas cross the road. Thees woz efter many attempts, on both our parts, to push the other one eento saying something forthright and unbecoming and basically do anything more than seemply heent at wotever eet woz we really wonted to do together.

Eet took me a few too many weeks to work up the courage to make the move myself.

Hees response:

"i will if u will"

I gulped, bleenking at my phone. Then he sent a winky face.

Thees ees how I ended up spending an afternoon flexing een front of the mirror and trying to find my best angle, to make my hair seet just _so_ , to make my expression look like anything but helf constipated and helf confused. I tried to look at the camera as eef I woz looking at heem, but apparently my horny face looks a leetle bit too much like murderous face. Two hundred photos later, I woz frustrated enough just to pick any half decent one. I wonted heem to like wot he saw, but I wonted to see hees ones more.

We sent them on a count of three. As I held my breath and clicked send, a hundred pics flooded een. I mean out. I mean I sent all the photos I had taken. All of them.

I deed not heve time to panic becoz at the same time, a hundred photos came rushing een. But they were all deeferent. Deeferent pose, deeferent angle, deeferent underwear …

*Heavy breathing*

As eet turned out, Yura had a stash of sexy photos just waiting for thees opportunity. There were hundreds of them. All deeferent. And not one woz contrived or stiff like mine woz. They were slutty and spontaneous. They were, like, spur of the moment, "I'm feeling sexy and I wanna capture thees moment" kind of pics. They also proved just how, er, _flexible_ Yura woz.

*Very heavy breathing*

I mention thees, not to be lewd, but to explain you how I became more comfortable with the idea of … you know. The sex. As a veery methodical person I cannot seemply do things, I heve to be prepared. When Yura first keesed me, I woz not prepared. When Yura brought me to my room and took off hees clothes and mine, I woz not prepared. But when I looked at each photo of heem smirking at the camera and showing off hees slim, toned body and hees pure pinkish skin and hees private places all wrapped up een boxers, briefs, jockstrap, y-front, bikini, g-string, even long johns that one time he went camping for a weekend, with patterns een tigerskin, leopardskin, novelty, brand-name, every colour of the rainbow, every fabric you could imagine, as ostentatious and outrageous as you would expect … you better believe I became prepared.

Well, I became prepared to be prepared. But that woz enough.

See, before I woz unable to imagine eet. Without imagination I could not prepare. But now, I had something better than imagination. Fuel for eet, at least. But the fact that I woz able to fantasise about wot woz missing from those pics, wot woz underneath all the fancy panties … that's how I knew I woz ready.

The plen woz to visit heem een March. Hees birthday. I em not saying that making love with me ees a geeft, but … nn. Something like that.

My flight woz early een the morning, and I woke up even earlier to shower. And shave. I shaved more places than I had ever known hair existed. I had bought new underwear. Nothing as fancy as hees, but something clean and new and classic. Eet woz a short visit, so I deed not heve cabin luggage. And een my leetle bag of liquids I had forgone toothpaste and deodorant and even my acne cream for three types of lubricant (Ultimate Pleasure, Safest of Safe just in case, and something called _Invade Deep Fisting_ which I panic-bought efter walking eento a sex shop and being trapped by a chatty store clerk who talked nothing but hardcore shit for twenty minutes.

I mean, I know I like leather, but _really_?)

My face never burned so much as when I had to pull that baggie out at the airport security.

On the flight I pulled the travel blanket over my head and looked at the pics one last time. He woz … stunning, you know. I guezz you probably agree. I woz tapping my foot, excited. I felt like I woz een a really sexy BL, but also a really fluffy one. Except eet woz one of the rarest occasions when eet woz coming up to a climax and I still deedn't know who the seme or uke would be. Or maybe we would even be reversible: like some sort of actual, real-life couple.

Pff. As eef.

Efter getting my fill of Yura's body, I scrolled though my fave Otayuri Tumblrs and read a short fanfic or two. I deed not find them veery satisfying though. Eet woz funny … I felt so superior to them. We had all imagined eet. We had all attempted to make some form of art about eet. We had all sat in front of Tumblr at 3am, whispering, "I'm going to hell," to ourselves een the dark. But here, I woz, about to live een eet. My very own live-action anime starring my OTP.

Heck, I could even write a fanfiction about eet — maybe get Yura to narrate a couple chepters — and eet would be so perfect becoz none of the other fanboys and fangirls would even know that _eet woz fucking real._

All the other shippers would be so jelly eef they knew eet!

Anyway, I had to keep reminding myself that real life woz better that fanfiction. Well, probably. I woz about to find out.

Yura woz standing at Arrivals — hands een pockets, looking perfectly petulant as always but with just a smidge of uneasiness evident een hees brow. We spotted each other immediately. My heart began to race, and hees expression turned so pure when he looked at me that I felt a leetle guilty for looking at all those pics on the plane. But also not really, because _dayum_ dat boy woz fine.

We had not hugged goodbye when we left each other efter the GPF een Marseille beck een December. We had not kissed, or shared words of luff. So I knew we would not heve a romantic reunion now. However when I saw heem I began rushing towards heem, and ran right eento the glass wall.

"Pff," said Yura, clapping hees hand to hees mouth. Then he burst out leffing.

I shook away the sparkles from both the beauty of hees smile and the throbbing pain in my face, and turned stoically to walk along the glass barrier to where we would meet. Yura walked alongside me, and our eyes never left each other's. We deed not run or rush or skip a step here or there. When the barrier broke he stopped, and I walked up to heem, shrugging my bag up on my shoulder and bleenking nervously, hoping I could commit every split-second image to memory quicker that way.

"Hey," he said, looking around sheepishly.

"Yo," I replied. I glanced behind heem, where two girls were standing together, giggling and clutching their phones. Eef I had wonted to hug heem or even had the courage, I definitely couldn't now. We were always being watched, efter all.

Yura turned around, eyeing me from bottom to top.

"Wot underw—" I started.

"Beka!" he shouted suddenly, grebbing my arms. "Your nose iz bleeding!" We both reached for my face at the same time, but he pulled beck quickly, blushing hard. Red drops dripped onto my hand, and he grebbed my other hand and dragged me to the nearest toilet. Once inside I tore some paper and held eet een front of my face, hiding my shame, while he warmed some water to wet a paper towel with. He approached me uncertainly, then shook hees head and pushed the wet towel eento my hand.

"Thank you," I said thickly, swapping the blood-soaked tissue for the wet one.

"No problem," he said gruffly. I internally squealed at the yaoi-ness of this moment. I mean, the nosebleed woz probably more to do with smashing my face eento a wall and not the erotic overload, but wotever.

Aaaah, I so wonted heem to mop up my face for me.

Our eyes met for a moment, searching each other's expressions. Then a toilet flushed and he jumped, marching off to the corner and taking out hees phone. I noticed the bleeding had stopped so I wiped the blood off my face een the mirror. We both kept glancing around, until the last person had left the toilet and eet woz quiet.

"Wanna take a selfie?" he asked, leffing slightly. Hees body language woz shy and emberressed, but hes face bore a mask of cool.

"Sure," I said and we took a toilet selfie with my bloody tissues. As he posted eet I noticed he scrolled down quickly, and I caught a glance of a couple photos of us taken from a third-POV. Somehow the Yuri's Angels knew we were meeting here. He blushed and locked the screen immediately, shoving hees phone beck eento hees pocket.

"Wot kind of underwear are you wearing?" I asked.

Yura looked up at me, eyebrows raised. "Hah …?" he began, then hees eyes widened as my words sunk een. He thumped me, yelling, "Dat — dat's none of your business!"

"Eet's not?" I asked, reaching out and brushing hees waist with my fingers.

He glared at me, eyes shining either dangerously or delightedly, then scoffed. "Christ, Beka, een a toilet?"

I shrugged. "We were een a toilet last time. I woz feeling nostalgic."

Yura rolled hees eyes, tucking hees hair behind hees ear. He smiled at me heppily, hees face a healthy pink. "C'mon, we gotta go."

Slightly disappointed, I followed heem out of the airport.

We went outside and Yura led me along the taxi ranks to where an older gentlemen woz waiting, arms folded, leaning against the bonnet of a car.

"So, dis iz de famous Beka I've heard so much about?" he said gruffly, standing up straighter and crossing hees arms tighter. Hees beard woz thick and muffled hees words.

"Grendpa," hissed Yura.

"Uh, Mr Plisetsky," I said, stiffening up like board. The blush creeped up my neck knowing that Yuri told hees grendpa about me. _And called me Beka!_ I held my hand out straight. "Eet ees an honour to meet—"

"Two hundred rubles," he interrupted, holding out hees hand, palm upwards.

"Uh …"

"Grendpa!" chastised Yura.

"What?" hees Grendpa groaned. "I had a hundred rubles on you to win gold lest year, Yuratchka, eet's thees Beka's fault—"

I panicked and started tearing my pockets out to find my wallet, but Yuri grebbed me. "Stop it! And shaddap, Grendpa, Beka won fair and square!"

"Hrmm." Grendpa Yuri narrowed hees eyes. "Well, who do you recommend me betting on thees year, meester gold medalist?"

I glanced about, then realised he meant me. "Ah, er, your grendson, definitely," I said quickly.

"Hah," said Grendpa, rubbing hees beard. "Are you sucking up to me, Otabek?"

I gulped. "No, sir. I'm sucking up to Yura."

Yuri almost blew hees top and for a second I thought hees Grendpa would too. But then he threw hees head beck and bellowed laughter. He slapped Yura on the beck, almost slamming heem eento the concrete. "He's a good kid, Yuratchka."

"I know dat already," grumbled Yuri. I deedn't hear anything that heppened for the next few minutes because I had basically died of relief. I wonted nothing more than for Yura's grendpa to like me — perhaps adopt me — or at the veery least accept me as hees grendson-in-law soon enough. I had not dreamed I would be called a good kid by heem already.

Yura took the beck seat with me, and hees grendpa teased about charging a taxi fare. We sat een the car een total silence. Yura took out hees phone. I glanced at heem as often as I dared.

Eventually I took out my own phone, and texted Yura, "Wot underwear are you wearing?"

I heard hees phone ping, then saw heem jump and drop hees phone on the floor. He woz fumbling so I reached down and got eet for heem. He muttered a thanks, avoiding my eyes, but when I dropped my hand on the seat between us, hees hand crept over and hooked hees pinky een mine. I glanced up, and right then caught eyes with Grendpa Plisetsky though the rearview mirror. I whipped my hand beck.

Shit. Shit shit shit. Must touch Yura. Must continue to make Grendpa Plisetsky like me. Eet woz not possible to do both, woz eet?!

For the first time, I realised thees trip woz going to be total hell. I woz staying at the Plisetsky's house, right? How the heck deed I expect we'd ever get a chance to heve the sex? Could I sneak eento Yura's room at night? Would eet be too obvious eef we went and stayed at a hotel? I'd die eef I deedn't get to see those undies!

Well, that's wot I thought until Grendpa pulled up outside a house and we both got out of the car, but he stayed eenside.

He rolled the window down, clearing hees throat. "Well, I'm off to de park to play chess with de other grendpa's. Help yourselves to de pirozhkis and … Grendma and I will be beck at dinnertime, so behave yourselves while we're gone." He grumbled a leetle. "Or don't. Whatever. You're grown up boys. We, uh …" He tried to continue, but turned red like a tamato, rolled the window up aggressively, and hastily drove away.

Yura bleenked as the car disappeared down the road. I woz actively sweating now, my heartbeat erratic. "Yura, your grendpa …"

"Iz de best grendpa in whole wide world," said Yuri gruffly. He grinned toothily, then glanced at me. "I mean, becoz of accepting hees faggot grendson and hees faggot grendson's luffer. Not for leaving us alone to …" He swallowed, and my eyes widened. "Which we don't haff to, I mean, we can just heng out. Just becoz there's no-one home doesn't mean …" He paused, turned as red as hees grendpa had, and stomped to the door.

The pirozhkis waiting on de table smelled delicious, but Yura woz wearing tight black jeans and a loose fitting tank top beneath that tigerprint bomber jacket and GAAH I JUST WONTED TO STREEP HEEM AND EAT HEEM UP ALREADY OK!?

"Um, once again, just becoz no-one's home doesn't mean we haff to—" Yura woz cut off by me glomping heem from behind. Hees breath woz pushed out of hees lungs and hees body froze up.

"Yura, wot underwear are you wearing?" I asked, burying my head een hees beck. He had grown again. I woz officially the shorter one. About half of the fandom would be delirious with heppiness right now. Myself included.

Eet woz veery exciting, actually. Who would bottom? Nobody knew. Not that sex positions had anything to do with height, or age, or gender for that matter — but I'm a yaoi reader so who am I kidding?

"Dat's for me to know and you to find out," Yura replied breathlessly. Then he jumped. He gripped my sleeve, tugging eet tightly. "I mean, if you want to …" He swallowed nervously. "Do you … want to?"

I worked up some courage and planted a kees on hees neck. "I wont to."

"Well den," he said squeakily.

"And you, Yura?"

He paused. "We are talking about sex right now, right?"

I paused. "I theenk so."

"Well, den … da." I could feel how fast hees heart woz beating, which woz a relief because mine woz like a hummingbird's right now.

We stood for a moment, then I loosened my embrace so he could turn around. Without looking at each other, both bright red and terrified, we glomped beck together and held on to each other tightly. I ran my fingers lightly along the slip of skin that peeked out from under hees t-shirt and he twitched. He rubbed hees thigh against mine. I bit my lip, then plunged my hands down eento ees jeans.

Yura lurched onto hees tippy toes, clutching my shirt and gasping loudly. He grunted and shoved hees face eento my shoulder to muffle hees voice. I could feel hees skin burn up een emberressment and my dick swelled.

However eenstead of grebbing dat ass I woz searching for some purchase between eet and the seat of hees jeans. Looking for a touch of silk or lace or latex — anything to geev me heent of which pair he had chosen to greet me with. But I searched and searched and … found nothing.

Yura woz still burying hees mortification, and I pulled beck a leetle to try and see hees expression. When that failed, I looked over hees shoulder, down at hees ass, and pulled the waistband of hees jeans beck to take a look at wot woz eenside.

Eet woz a really nice butt, don't get me wrong. Eet woz pale and firm, shapely and athletic. A leetle bubble butt like in a fricking Josman comic. But to my astonishment there were no undies to be seen.

"Uh … Yura?" I asked.

"I deedn't plen dis!" he said, hees voice muffled. "I deed haff a brand new pair ready just in case — I deed! — but I put dem in de wash and a seagull sheet on dem when they were on de washing line! Stoopid seagulls! And how could I wear a pair you'd already seen? Anyway, I deedn't theenk eet would metter becoz I deedn't theenk we would be alone together — and I deedn't know eef you'd be ready this time — and, and —"

"You bought new underwear?"

He stopped, pulling away and tucking hees hair behind hees ear to glance at me. "Uh, yeah."

I swallowed, breathing had. "So deed I."

He bleenked, looking me up and down. "You did?"

I nodded, then jumped as he shoved hees hands down eento my jeans. He snapped the waistband and I bit my tongue because I woz seriously close to making some preety emberressing noises myself. Then he trailed hees fingers up my spine, leaning against my body and smiling

I took one hand off hees ass to greb hees face and kees heem. Without hesitation he keesed me beck, grebbing my face een both hees hands, teeth knocking together clumsily and tongues all in a twist, and my other hand squeezed hees ass cheek and pulled hees hips closer to mine. My dick woz throbbing and hard and the beck of my legs became weak as I felt a twitch against eet that deed not come from me. We gasped and broke apart at the lips, our bodies still glued together, staring at each other and panting with shameless expressions.

"You're hard?" he said.

I nodded, swallowing nervously. "Yeah … how could I not be?"

"I don't know!" he said stubbornly. He chewed hees lip, blonde eyelashes fluttering fast as hees eyes ran all over my face. I wondered eef my eyes looked the same. Whether they were "fuck me" eyes or "fuck you" eyes, I deed not know.

"You are as well," I pointed out.

"I know dat already!" he snapped, bristling like a cat. "A-are you gonna just stand there or do somethink about eet!?"

I licked my lips briefly, contemplating heem, my beautiful Yura. Thees woz eet, I knew. I thought of our fans and they gave me courage. I thought of the fanart, and they gave me ideas. I thought of us, and I woz ready.

I leaned een once more and keesed heem gently on the mouth. Brow low, he glared beck at me, an expression which quickly turned to panic as I tore my arms from around heem. But I just put my rucksack on the counter and took out my baggie.

Hees eyes widened as he looked at eet, then he turned hees gaze to me. Yura smiled sheepishly, and I grinned goofily beck. "Are you going to do eet with me or not?" I asked.

Aaand five — I dunno, maybe ten — minutes later, Yura rolled off me and we lay panting, sweating and staring at the ceiling. Classic scene transition there, veery subtle. Not cliche at all.

Also, yes, you read that right. We deed not waste any time. Ten minutes tops, I'd say. Eet woz muddled, and mortifying, and masterfully messy. But eet woz us.

"I can't feel my dick," I said. Yuri snorted an unnatural laugh, breathy and high-pitched.

"I can't feel my esshole," he replied sheepishly.

Yes, I woz in fact the top.

That said, I woz not actually ON top. Eet's pedantic, maybe. But power bottom Yurio ees one of my fave headcanons, so I woz extremely satisfied. However he woz also extremely … cool? Or, capable, maybe? He woz, like, WOW. You know? Dis boy had skillz. And I had no idea wot I woz doing.

"Yura … you weren't a virgin?" I asked, hating that I even felt the need to ask.

"Pff," he laughed, "of course not! I've done eet with loads of people. Boys, girls … er, intersex individuals. Loads of sex. Tons."

"Oh." I wozn't disappointed or anything, I am not jealous like that. Of course Yura woz allowed heve other lovers before me. I woz just … "Well, eet woz my first."

Staring at the ceiling, I saw Yura sit up on hees elbows and stare at me. I turned my face the other way, emberressed a leetle. "Sorry," I laughed lightly. "I had just presumed we both were. But you were amazing, you took care of everything. I woz veery nervous."

Yura stammered a leetle, before getting out defensively, "I-I was nervous too!"

"But you took charge, climbing on top like that—"

Yura squeaked, throwing heemself on top of me and clamping hees hand over my mouth. My head snapped around, meeting hees green eyes so close, eyes which I had just seen focussed on mine in concentration, hazy with pleasure and shut tight in ecstasy. My body welcomed again the touch of hees skin, still the same temperature as mine as eef we were not two separate persons at all. He let go of my mouth, trembling and turning bright red. "I woz v-virgin too, stoopid!"

Hees soft hair tickled my face as he hung over me. I lay still. "But you just said—"

"I lied, of course! I do dat a lot!" He pouted a leetle and thumped hees hands on my chest. He looked emberressed, seeting on my lap, and woz about to climb off when I grebbed hees thighs.

"You were really cool," I said, then blushed so hard I couldn't speak for a minute. Unable to look at each other, Yura lunged at me and hugged me, burying hees warm face een my shoulder.

"Of course I was nervous, stoopid," he said quietly, stubbornly. "I haff to be good at everything. So doing something for the first time … I get scared I'll be bad at eet." He huffed a leetle.

"But you were great, Yura."

"Yeah, I know," he leffed. "I woz totally a natural efter all. Sorry eef I … took over."

I paused. My lungs had stopped working. "Eet woz awesome that you took over," I said. I stopped again, trying to gauge hees reaction. "Sorry eef I wozn't able to keep up."

He barked a leff. "You kept eet up, dat's all dat metters."

I felt heem shrug, and having heem close made me so happy that I squeezed heem tighter. He sighed, sinking more comfortably eento my embrace, hees hands reaching up and running gently through my hair. My heart started beating faster. I squirmed my legs free a leetle, wrapping them around hees waist. "Deed eet feel good?" I asked quietly.

He inhaled, swelling against my body. But then my phone beeped, and he pushed heemself up on hees hands and reached for eet where eet lay on the bedside cabinet. He picked eet up, and I watched dumbly as he swiped my pattern. A second too late, I lunged and tried to greb eet out of hees hands. Yura, quick as a cat, threw hees hand holding my phone eento the air, blocking me with hees other arm.

"Yura," I panted, squirming beneath heem. He looked down on me with a look of pure betrayal.

Holding me beck, he took hees hand down. "Why so secretive, Beka? Who's messaging you, huh?"

"Eet's not that, Yura. I can explain," I groaned.

He tched, then turned hees eyes to my phone. I threw my arms up to hide my face. Oh why. Oh dear God why. He scrolled down. And kept scrolling. Then he waited. Then he kept scrolling.

I peeked through the gaps between my fingers. Yuri's face had turned from angery, to confused, to horrified. And then beck to angery.

"What de heck iz dis?" he asked quietly. He woz still scrolling.

I breathed, feeling like I could cry. "That's Tumblr …"

"Yah, I got dat," he spat. He turned the phone around, showing me a veery NSFW image of heem looking peesed off in a kitty costume as I fucked heem een the bathtub. My balls shrank beck eento my body, and eet woz painful becoz I managed to get hard at exactly the same time. "Tell me …" he started, smoke billowing out of hees ears. "WHY DE HECK IZ MY DICK SO SMALL!?"

I bleenked. "Um. Wot?"

"I haff big dick! Why do dey all draw me with such a teeny leetle weiner? And why de heck are dey drawing you so tall? You're not dat tall, Beka!"

"I — I know!" I said quickly.

"Say eet properly!" he demanded.

"I'm not that tall!" I yelled.

"And the other thing!"

"You — you heve a big dick!"

I stared up at heem, my eyes flickering briefly to that organ and beck to hees face. My legs, still wrapped around hees waist, had been hoisted up about the time he sat up, and I noticed for the first time that our new position left me completely exposed. Yura, frazzled for a moment, regained hees cool when he saw my expression.

"Demn right I do," he sneered, relaxing a leetle. I clenched my fist, wishing to ask for my phone beck but not quite feeling like I had any right to. But then Yura looked up at me with a leetle smirk, and I realised he wozn't mad. Well, not at me. He gave me the once over with hees eyes, but then pouted and left me like that, continuing to scroll down the images.

"Um, Yura," I breathed, squirming to readjust to a less emberressing pose.

He deedn't respond. When I looked up, hees thumb stopped scrolling for a second, and he started to grin. "Wait a second … what's dis, Beka?"

I leaned over to look, and immediately blushed and started stammering. "Um, th-that's bottom Otabek." Eet woz a really tasteful one and everything, so veery rare, but there deedn't seem any point in trying to tell heem that.

He leffed. "Wow! Jeez, I'm fucking you right eento the mattress there, huh?" My legs twitched and Yura nodded, still smirking. "You look like you're enjoying eet, dat big dick. Mm hm. And what's dis, dis leetle heart?"

I closed my eyes. "That's a like. Same as Tweeter or Facebook."

"You liked dis one?" he asked playfully, laying down on my stomach and resting hees chin on my chest. He leffed and turned the phone around for me to see eet again. I breathed heavy when I looked at eet, getting uncomfortably hot and bothered. Just like the me een the pic, except less covered een fluids.

"Well, I mean, th-the art's really good—"

Yura locked my phone and placed eet beck on de table. He put hees hand on my knee, glancing down as the twitching of my dick became eempossible to miss. He grinned evilly. "To answer your question from before: da, it felt good. Want me to show you?"

I squirmed a leetle, feeling vulnerable with my legs spread like thees, but only getting weaker with that feeling. He slipped hees hands eento mine, pinning me to the bed and leaning over me with a sadistic grin. "I don't think my virgin esshole can take another round, but maybe yours can."

I turned my head to the side, closing my eyes tight. I nodded fervently, too emberressed to say yes, yes, oh please yes. The only thing better than a power uke woz an unexpected seme.

Yura sniggered a leetle, and reached over to the beside table where he had left the lube. There woz a pause, as I waited for the snap of the lid and the slick of that cold sensation I had read so much about …

" _Invade deep fisting_ … Beka, what de heck iz dis?"

My eyes flew open. He woz staring at the tub of lube, the one I had gotten at the sex shop.

"Oh … ees that the one you used?" I asked, leffing lightly. I had totally blenked before. I told you Yura took care of everything: I just handed heem my baggie of lubes, I hadn't noticed which one he went for.

"No wonder eet deedn't hurt. Dis iz desensitising lube, Beka." He stared at me for a moment. "What de heck were you plenning?" he asked, looking positively aghast.

I shook my head violently, but my protests were halted when he then burst out leffing, almost falling off the bed.

"No wonder I can't feel my esshole!" he howled.

"No wonder I can't feel my dick," I said blenkly.

"No wonder—!" He couldn't continue for leffing. "Beka, you're such a dork!"

I bleenked. "Wait — wot?" I asked. I surely must heve misheard. I stared at this naked twink on the floor surrounded by tigerskin iceskates, cat ear hairbands and a PSP.

I mean, who even plays PSP anymore?! And _I_ woz the dork?

Yura's eyes were clenched shut, and he woz holding hees belly. "You … you're clumsy and stoopid and you read hentai of us. You're a virgin but you bought lube for fisting." He opened hees eyes, hees grin so beeg eet looked painful. "You're a super dork. The dorkiest!"

"Uh, _woz_ a virgin," I retorted. "Also, eet's called yaoi, and I'm not a dork. I heve leather jacket and undercut and motorbike."

"Da, and you're a dork!" he leffed. "Dat's de best part!"

I stared at heem een horror, then lay beck on hees bed een silence and stared at the ceiling. Just heving a minor identity crisis, that woz all.

I mean … all thees time … I thought I woz _cool_.

Yura thumped me for sulking as he climbed beck onto the bed and threw heemself lazy across helf my body. I rolled over, glaring grumpily at heem.

"Tigerskin ees lame," I said.

Yura froze. "What did you say?"

"You're a dork, too," I said. "Are you going to become boyfriends with me or not?"

Yura's eye twitched een anger, but hees expression quickly dissolved eento moe. "We're already boyfriends, Beka."

"I know, but I had to say eet once. For the readers."

"Readers? What readers?"

"You'll see," I said, brushing hees hair idly.

"What de heck are you talking about Beka?"

"Shh, eet's fine."

"Seriously, you're totally freaking me out, you weirdo. What de heck iz going on?"

"Uh, Yura, just be quiet, OK? I'm trying to end the story here."

"Story? … OH, for fuck's sake, you're not Deadpool, Beka, OK?"

"… I could be Deadpool … We both like leather."

"…"

"Eets genius, Yura, I swear."

"Ugh, you're so emberressing … Are we going for round two or not?"

"…"

"…"

*Ahem* Wot, you're still here? Eet's over. Go home. Or, close your tab or wotever.

"Beka — please stop."

Oh — and don't just fuck off without leaving us a review, eet's a _total_ dick move. _Go_ …

"…"

"OK, OK, sorry, Yura, I'm done."

"Thenk you."

Wait, wait, wait, one more thing —

"I swear to —"

THE END


End file.
